MY LIFE IN MY OWN WORDS

Man,will it ever end? It's been almost seven years since my separation, nine if you count the last two years of torment and utter horror . It never ceases to amaze me how she thinks the world revolves around her. She uses my son as an excuse to accomplish her goals. God sees all , the day of reckoning will soon come ! I am not holly man nor am I righteous man , but I know that I am a good man , I don't live my life for others to fear. I will hold the door open for a stranger , I won't look the other way if someone requires aid. It baffles me , the idea, that a human being can live life for the sole purpose of self gratification.It is such a short existence for us on this planet and to think that some can live only to make others miserable astonishes me and strikes me with fear. God bless!

Its difficult surrendering to the night.I sit here and stare out into the darkness , the abyss , the night sky. It's been unusually cold lately . The voice on the radio is my only companion .I struggle with the darkness , I fear for what is to come. Faint lights in the distance , from up here I can imagine what every one of them sees.Love , hope, sorrow , joy . I know there is loneliness out there .Man it's cold tonight.It's late and my alarm will wake me out of my sleep by five am . My duvet drapes my body ,the down hugs me gently. I cocoon myself in my thoughts.The man on the radio says there is a cold weather alert "no fucking kidding"Pack it in and do it all over again tomorrow, JOY!

Some friend you are! Fuck you would think that maybe you could for one night turn your fucking cell phone off. You come over under the pretense of wanting to catch up on old times. You lecture me on how I need to get out and meet people (women). You say you are happy with all your female friends, they know where you stand your upfront with them, they are aware you are not interested in a relationship. Man I never heard more garbage from anyone else in my life. Your phone rings but before you pick up you tell me to be quiet? Get a grip on reality. Your insight on my supposed state of dysphoria leaves me to wonder about your own state of mind. You say I am lonely and yet you need to encompass yourself with artificial consorts. You call them friends. I much rather be alone and lonely as you put it then need to feel wanted by people who don’t even exist. I am lonely yes at times, who isn’t? For the most part I am content with my life. Only thing I am truly lacking is a companion a confidan

And so it ends and so it begins. One more year year older, more gray thinning hair and another hangover. Just me my parents my ungrateful brother and his new girlfriend and new baby( not his first ) but first one with this one. Yes a night to remember , I wish I could just forget. I should have stayed home . Only reason I didn't is cause I was afraid of being alone. I guess I went cause they asked , or was it cause no one else asked? any way it was OK lots to eat and drink but not much else. I think for the first time in a long one I was actually lonely . Maybe it was the idea that I had no one special to say goodbye to the old year with and no one to celebrate the new with.I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me , oh wait , yes I can!