MY LIFE IN MY OWN WORDS

Lonely days sleepless nights. Thoughts running through my mind. How I missed you , how I longed for you. Many tears , would fill an ocean . Eyes red and face tired . God how I loved you! I know those days are gone and still I cry , I cry in silence . Desperate pleas . I pray and I beg our dear Lord . I ask time and time again ,why can't she love me ? Why ,won't she love ? No longer needed I feel . Time did not stand still for you . you lived life and you loved another .But my love did not waiver . My heart still in pain . I have reached out , I have said and done all I can . Still you don't love me . Time you say , time is all you need , you say it's too soon . Years and years have gone , I am feeling old and not looking younger . So many years wasted. I would give twenty years to get the last ten back if I could only share them with you .

Night time I loathe and despise thee. Why do you torment me so ? You tease me with heavy eyes and tired bones . I lay my head and you won't let me rest . What have I done ? what have I done ,for you to torment me this way ? My little blue pill does nothing more than taunt me . My dreams haunt me . I feel disparity , I feel abstracted from reality . The feeling of desperation and the desire to live, both are in a bitter struggle . I recall the nights I wished for the man in the dark robe to just take me , take me so I can finally rest . Please Lord I beg you , please help me. I wish so much for life . I wish so much for just one night of rest . I pray to be forgiven , I have been forsaken. If I have committed such a crime , to warrant this punishment that you deem just . Please I beg , absolve me . Release me ! I beg for reprieve , exonerate this sentence for I rather face my executioner than another night of unrest !

Are you able to look back at your life , ever think back to a time when your heart was broken? I can. I can think of a time a place a day and a moment frozen in time. it felt as thought someone reached into my chest cavity ,with bare hands it was torn open . My heart was taken and ripped to shreds. I can still feel the pain . God how it hurts. They say time heals all wounds , I say not true! Some wounds can never heal. My pain will not heal not until my heart stops beating and even then I question it. I sometimes believe that I am doomed damned if you will. A life sentence for the crimes I have committed. What crimes you ask? I wish I could tell you . I figure I must have done something wrong to upset the higher powers . I must have been a terrible person in a past life . I have been afflicted by pain and sorrow most of my adult life. I haven't slept a full night in years. I recently visited my Doctor and renewed my prescription. I haven't taken and sleep aids for many years