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What is love ?  Love is when you miss someone even though you just saw them . Love is when when you can't get the smile on their face out of your mind . Love is when you are down and that person brings you up . Love is when you think about that person when you fall asleep and when you wake. Love is when you are having the worst day and that person says I love you and all your problems go away . Love is when when you touch that person and you feel it in every bone in your body. Love is when you kiss that person and you wish that kiss would never end . Love is when your heart races at just the idea of looking into each others eyes .
Love is when you are running late and that person patiently waits . Love is when someone asks why do you love me and you don't even have to think about an answer . These are just some of the reasons as to what I think love is  . And there are so many more ...
Depression . How do I describe it ? Well I'll tell you what it means to me . When I think about it I guess I've been dealing with it probably since I was about ten or so . Maybe even earlier than that . Starting from when I was sexually abused by a family friend  , that's probably my first recollection of the start of it . It was only once but it certainly left a scar . I'm not even sure how old I was maybe seven or eight ? I can't really say . I do remember however the feeling of guilt and shame . The next time I can recall feeling depressed , was when my family moved to Canada from South America . I can recall the deep sadness in my uncles eyes my mothers brother whom I loved so dearly and always looked up to . He was crying and hugging me saying goodbye , I was just ten but I can remember the overwhelming feeling of sorrow . Confused and afraid because I didn't fully grasp that I may never see this man ever again . Then after what seemed an eternal flight we l…
My son is outing me . To his friends and threatening to out me to our family . My son is angry ! I may not like what he does but he is still my son and will always love him . My response was , I don't care ! I'm 53 and obey the law and pay my taxes I'm not doing anything wrong . I feel no shame , I feel no anger . I am who I am I am what I am ! I am finally free from the shackles of society . From what most refer to as "normal" I have been a slave to this mentality or madness if you will. For they could never comprehend my struggles . The pain of my daily life . A life riddled with pain heartache and guilt . But at last I have concluded that I would set myself free ! Free of the chains holding me back from living my life . A life filled with love and devotion . A life filled with compassion and understanding .
A normal life , a life I was born to live !!!
When you're gone I miss you  In my dreams I kiss you  In my bed I hold you  As my arms embrace you  In my heart I treasure  And your smile a pleasure  Your kindness I can't measure  My love is so strong  and I know it's not wrong  Others may judge  But my heart won't budge  My heart was broken  But now you've spoken  You are my cure  Now I'll endure  You say you love me  Can't live with out me  Your love is pure  I feel secure  Our love is strong  It can't be wrong  You are my love  love of my life  When not around 
it cuts like a knife ...
I believe in angels , because God sent one to me . The minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days . Every second I spend without you in my arms feels like an eternity . The phone rings and my heart races . I wish for the night to come so the day can arrive sooner and I can see your angel face once more .  Is this too much ? I ask myself . Will I scare him away ? I also ask myself . But it isn't too much , because it's not enough ! I can't hide my love for you ,  I can't , I won't !  My heart is true and my love is real so how can it be too much ? I don't care , I tell myself . I love you and I won't deny it . I'm happy and I refuse to to hide it . Is it possible to love a person so much ? I also ask myself . Yes it is !  I answer to myself .  Because I feel it in my bones . The chills down my spine when I think of you . All these feelings and more they are real , they are true . My love is real my feelings are true , my heart my body and my soul ,  they…
I wish you were here holding me near .
Touching your skin I call you my dear . 
I think of your smile , please stay for a while .
 I hope one day soon we won't have to part saying goodbye just breaks my heart .
 The times that we spend I'll remember for ever I'll stay with you always and follow wherever .
 I treasure your love the one I adore !


When I need you . I close my eyes and I'm with you . I think of the times that I kiss you . I dream of the nights when I'm with you .  When I need love , I look in your eyes and I see love , I look in your heart and I feel love , I hold out my hands and I touch love , I never have felt such a strong love , for me there is  no one ,  no other to love . At times I have felt I was so lost , I thought I was l loved but at what cost . I cry in the nights for the longing , for someday in my life , when my body you're holding . A future ahead when my life is complete when you're part of my days and my nights when I sleep .  You I'll never stop loving ,all my life till I'm dying .

Life hurts sometimes

It's been a long time since I last wrote . I have sat in front of the computer countless times and either didn't have the courage or could not find the right words . Not that I didn't have anything to say , on the contrary there is so much that has happened in the past few years . So much that it's a bit overwhelming . I'm perplexed with thoughts and emotions . I've had a troubled and turbulent life , but I have to be honest and tell you that the last few years have been the most stressful and the most painful of all. Let me take you back . To a time perhaps of weakness or maybe vulnerability , I found myself l with the mother of my son . The woman that caused me so much pain was now the person I embraced. After a rekindled romance I once again fell victim to my fantasy. My illusion of what I thought happiness meant. To be with and part of a family once again. It all started as most relationships do , however it was all short lived . As the saying goes , the ho…
A perfect world ...

People look and people judge . It's human nature to be curios . But people judge simply because they don't understand . Who are they to question one persons love for another ? It's easy to be cruel it's much harder to be kind . If people would just look at their own lives first and try to fix what's broken there . Maybe then they wouldn't be so focussed on the happiness of others . They judge because they don't understand . They wonder why , how ? How can one man love another ? I guess at one time I also questioned it . But always kept an open mind . Now I know !  Love really has no boundaries . Love is love and the heart wants what the heart wants ! I wish I could make people understand , family friends . But why , why should I care ? Some days I do other days I don't . But I do wish for a world where everyone is accepted equally regardless of race gender or sexual orientation . But a world such as this is not likely in my lifetime . So for n…
Lonely days sleepless nights. Thoughts running through my mind. How I missed you , how I longed for you. Many tears , would fill an ocean . Eyes red and face tired . God how I loved you! I know those days are gone and still I cry , I cry in silence . Desperate pleas . I pray and I beg our dear Lord . I ask time and time again ,why can't she love me ? Why ,won't she love ? No longer needed I feel . Time did not stand still for you . you lived life and you loved another .But my love did not waiver . My heart still in pain . I have reached out , I have said and done all I can . Still you don't love me . Time you say , time is all you need , you say it's too soon . Years and years have gone , I am feeling old and not looking younger . So many years wasted. I would give twenty years to get the last ten back if I could only share them with you .

My nights

Night time I loathe and despise thee. Why do you torment me so ? You tease me with heavy eyes and tired bones . I lay my head and you won't let me rest . What have I done ? what have I done ,for you to torment me this way ? My little blue pill does nothing more than taunt me . My dreams haunt me . I feel disparity , I feel abstracted from reality . The feeling of desperation and the desire to live, both are in a bitter struggle . I recall the nights I wished for the man in the dark robe to just take me , take me so I can finally rest . Please Lord I beg you , please help me. I wish so much for life . I wish so much for just one night of rest . I pray to be forgiven , I have been forsaken. If I have committed such a crime , to warrant this punishment that you deem just . Please I beg , absolve me . Release me ! I beg for reprieve , exonerate this sentence for I rather face my executioner than another night of unrest !