cold lonely winter

You can complain all you want, I won't stop listening.
You may be right, the winters are long and cold and there is too much time to reflect on life. I think it may be more than just the winter doldrums though. For me it's the acknowledgment of my own mortality. I will be 44 years young next month and I can't help but think of my life, past present and future. My life has certainly been one miscalculation after another. I may have been some what delusional to think that things would have taken a different turn. When I reflect on my past I now know the course had been entrenched and there would be no wavering. The stones were laid and the path was set and certain. The winter is cold yes, but lonely without question. I live for the days when my son visits (God ten years ago I never thought I would ever say , when my son visits) however this is the path that this story has taken me on and I must endure the torment in order to complete the cycle and fulfill my destiny , what ever that may be.
The great narrator (if you believe there is one) tells the story and I live on in this role of persona non grata in my own sometimes fictional character. Tonight is not especially cold but I lack the warmth that my heart requires.
It is, a cold and lonely winter.

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