I like Dreaming

Remember when we used to dream?
Remember when we were in love?

Recently although indirectly, you came into my life. I loved you for so long and for long after that I hated you. You will never know the impact you had in my life. You are now happy and with your own life. I hated you for what you did but most of all I hated you for what you made me become. Someone close to you and I contacted me recently and although at first I was happy I now wish she hadn't!
You broke my heart, the pain I felt for so long I will never forget. The tears I cried, the sleepless nights, the sorrow I felt can not be described.

I will never forget you or what you did; ironically I can never forget how much I loved you. I would have killed for you; I would have died for you.

I would stare out my window towards yours in the hope you would see me and somehow we would be able to pick up where we left off. Dreams don’t come true I know that now.

I wish I could tell you what I felt for so long, how much life and time you stole from me.
I was angry for so long, I am not angry anymore, I am older now and time heals most wounds. I try not to think about you but you are and will always be a part of my life good or bad.

Take care I hope you are as happy as I would have wanted you to be...

Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2012 at 12:39 PM

    time doesnt heal wounds ...only God could heal my broken heart:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Living one day at a timeMarch 26, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    I pray and I pray and yet my wounds heal only on the surface!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The end is near

 I thought I could forget , I thought I could forgive . But I cry almost daily , tears don’t always show but I cry , my heart cries . My heart bleeds my heart  aches . I’m reaching for more pills everyday . The thoughts are coming back . I see no light at the end anymore . I wish every night not to wake up . I welcome my end . I welcome peace in my mind . I wish I could make you understand what you did . At the worst time of my life , you took it all away . My hope  my happiness , my will to survive . You have destroyed me mentally and physically and have shattered me emotionally .I can’t do this much longer . I’m all alone I’m so lonely and no one would care . So why do I keep bothering to wake up in the morning ? I welcome the night , I welcome darkness . I welcome my end and I welcome eternal rest I’m so fucking  tired of being alive.
Read more

Pushed over the edge.

Image
Here I sit late at night my meds kicking in almost time for bed but time yet for one more smoke. What a hellish day I had, how do I always let people talk me into doing things I don’t want? Three fucking hours in bumper-to-bumper trafic. Metal, plastic and the smell of burning rubber in what must have seemed like 40 Celsius. Two screaming kids in the back and my anxiety medication was not doing it today after popping four Advil’s for my migraine that wasn’t cutting it either. All I could think about , between the screaming kids and the never-ending traffic. How badly I wanted to pull my car over to the shoulder to a screeching halt step out light a smoke and walk away from it all forever. The job search the uncertainty its all coming to a head if the kids hadn’t been in the car I would have driven into the first tree I could find. I don’t know, man what a fucked up day three hours just to sit on a dirty windy beach crowded with masses of common people like hoards of cattle. I despised
Read more

My son is being released from prison

 I’m torn about this dilema . I’m being advised not to let him into my life . He has caused so much pain and heartache . But he is my son nonetheless and I feel this parental  ( responsibility ) to be there for him . I’m in touch with him on a regular basis . But I’m sad every time he calls . This is not my son . The child I cherished and protected when he was little .  The child I tended to when he was ill . He sounds like  a stranger to me now . He speaks different and acts different . But I feel this parental need desire or guilt what ever it is . I feel I need to help him and be there for him .  Pray for me and pray for him . I don’t know what the future has in stored for him or myself . God I just wish he would wake up and see his ways are no way to live and will only lead him to this awful place again . Honestly I don’t think I can do this again . 
Read more