CHRISTMASS 2020

Almost 22 years ago I held him in my arms and cried , I cried and cried . I was overwhelmed with joy. Tonight it's Christmas eve and now I cry again. I wish I could put into words the pain I feel .
The heartache the sorrow. I wish I knew where my son was and that he is safe and in a warm bed and a full belly. I wish also he would get help for the substance abuse , for his anger for his violent outbursts . I Wish I could forget the damaged walls and destruction . I wish I could forget the mental anguish the hateful words , the bruises on my body. All that and more , too much pain to forget. But I wish I could for one moment forget all that . To hold him in my arms to tell him I love him to tell him , to tell him that I will always love him. But it's Christmas eve in the middle of this pandemic and  I have no idea where he is. It's Christmas eve and no presents under my tree ! 

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