2020 to 2021

 It’s almost the end of 2020 and you should look forward to changing your life make a better man of yourself but most important It It’s almost the end of 2020 and you should look forward to changing your life make a better man of yourself but most important a better human being . 

I think about when you were born and I cried as I held you in my arms . Then I thing about 15 years later when you came to live with me and we were supposed to spend our first Christmas together .

Then I remember how  I cried all night again . You left said you would be back soon . You never came back that night . I waited up till about 5 in the morning . I tried calling your friends and drove all over town looking for you . That night I packed up all the presents I have picked out for you and there were many , enough to fell a large black garbage bag . I wanted to just toss them away but I didn’t . I took down the tree the same evening and erased every Christmas memory from  night . 

After that it was a living hell .

From the drugs you used to the mental outbursts .

To you destroying my house both next houses .

The first house there was not one wall I didn’t have to repair , closet doors holes in all the walls in every single room . I remember you sneaking people in my house when I slept . You having parties while I was work to pay for your food and shelter . I remember the mental anguish the sleepless nights . You spitting on my face wishing so many times that I would die . You wish death on me so many times I’m surprised I’m still alive .

When we lived at your grandparents you treated them like shit , you even threatened your grandfather . You made my time there and there time unbearable . Then you got yourself arrested . I had to spend 15 grand to get you out . And still you went on to do the same at Sutter .

I have a hard drive with hundreds of pictures of all the damage . You abused me you called me every name on the  book . You insulted me stole  from me and mentally and physically abused me .

You shot me with a pellet gun ( you were on probation ) I should have had you arrested . But I didn’t and that was a mistake maybe you might have learned from that .

I took you to see doctors counsellor , all you si was make a joke out if it . You destroyed my house from top to bottom , furniture walls doors and more . You brought people to party while I was asleep . You stored and sold drugs out of my house . You brought criminals into my house . You once chased me down the street with one of my wrenches and threw it at my head , I put my arm up to block it and ended up with a bruise on my arm . You threatened my life so many times I lost count . Then at the condo the night mare started again when your mother kicked you out and I took you in because you made so many primes you  never kept one not even one . 

You had hooked and drug dealers coming to my home . You lived like an animal and obeyed not one rule . You pulled a knife on me threatened to kill me in my sleep . I remember it all . All the drugs pills and  other shit in your room amd you always denied being a drug dealer .

You spat on my face you wanted to kill me .

I will never forget all these things my only son did to me .

I only pray you get the help you so desperately need . You need severe mental help . Meds counselling and more . But until the day you admit and reach out for help  nothing will change unless you ask for help and admit how badly you need it .

I pray for you always . I pray for god  to protect you and guide you on the right path .

I pray that the new year brings you joy and happiness and I pray the new year you get a job and start making mends with your soul . Because you must have some little amount of regret and some small amount of guilt for what you made me live through . I’m on medication because of you .

I don’t sleep nights and my anxiety level is so fight I often feel like I’m about to have a heart attack .

Anyway MICHAEL I wish you good fortune stay safe and healthy but grow up man up make the right choice to make a better life for yourself . Do it now while you can . Life is short I’m almost 56 I’ll be lucky if I see 60 with the stress I’m under and the pain I have endured this long my heart at some point I’m sure will give up .

I wish you a happy new year and all the best for 2021 .

Dad .’s almost the end of 2020 and you should look forward to changing your life make a better man of yourself but most important a better human being . 

I think about when you were born and I cried as I held you in my arms . Then I thing about 15 years later when you can to live with me and we were supposed to spend our first Christmas together .
Then I remember how  I cried all night again . You left said you would be back soon . You never came back that night . I waited up till about 5 in the morning . I tried calling your friends and drove all over town looking for you . That night I packed up all the presents I have picked out for you and there were many , enough to fell a large black garbage bag . I wanted to just toss them away but I didn’t . I took down the tree the same evening and erased every Christmas memory from  night . 
After that it was a living hell .
From the drugs you used to the mental outbursts .
To you destroying my house both next houses .
The first house there was not one wall I didn’t have to repair , closet doors holes in all the walls in every single room . I remember you sneaking people in my house when I slept . You having parties while I was work to pay for your food and shelter . I remember the mental anguish the sleepless nights . You spitting on my face wishing so many times that I would die . You wish death on me so many times I’m surprised I’m still alive .

When we lived at your grandparents you treated them like shit , you even threatened your grandfather . You made my time there and there time unbearable . Then you got yourself arrested . I had to spend 15 grand to get you out . And still you went on to do the same at Sutter .
I have a hard drive with hundreds of pictures of all the damage . You abused me you called me every name on the  book . You insulted me stole  from me and mentally and physically abused me .
You shot me with a pellet gun ( you were on probation ) I should have had you arrested . But I didn’t and that was a mistake maybe you might have learned from that .
I took you to see doctors counsellor , all you si was make a joke out if it . You destroyed my house from top to bottom , furniture walls doors and more . You brought people to party while I was asleep . You stored and sold drugs out of my house . You brought criminals into my house . You once chased me down the street with one of my wrenches and threw it at my head , I put my arm up to block it and ended up with a bruise on my arm . You threatened my life so many times I lost count . Then at the condo the night mare started again when your mother kicked you out and I took you in because you made so many primes you  never kept one not even one . 
You had hooked and drug dealers coming to my home . You lived like an animal and obeyed not one rule . You pulled a knife on me threatened to kill me in my sleep . I remember it all . All the drugs pills and  other shit in your room amd you always denied being a drug dealer .
You spat on my face you wanted to kill me .
I will never forget all these things my only son did to me .
I only pray you get the help you so desperately need . You need severe mental help . Meds counselling and more . But until the day you admit and reach out for help  nothing will change unless you ask for help and admit how badly you need it .
I pray for you always . I pray for god  to protect you and guide you on the right path .
I pray that the new year brings you joy and happiness and I pray the new year you get a job and start making mends with your soul . Because you must have some little amount of regret and some small amount of guilt for what you made me live through . I’m on medication because of you .
I don’t sleep nights and my anxiety level is so fight I often feel like I’m about to have a heart attack .
Anyway MICHAEL I wish you good fortune stay safe and healthy but grow up man up make the right

  to make a better life for yourself . Do it now while you can . Life is short I’m almost 56 I’ll be lucky if I see 60 with the stress I’m under and the pain I have endured this long my heart at some point I’m sure will give up .
I wish you a happy new year and all the best for 2021 .
Dad .

Sent from my iPhone a better human being . 

I think about when you were born and I cried as I held you in my arms . Then I thing about 15 years later when you can to live with me and we were supposed to spend our first Christmas together .
Then I remember how  I cried all night again . You left said you would be back soon . You never came back that night . I waited up till about 5 in the morning . I tried calling your friends and drove all over town looking for you . That night I packed up all the presents I have picked out for you and there were many , enough to fell a large black garbage bag . I wanted to just toss them away but I didn’t . I took down the tree the same evening and erased every Christmas memory from  night . 
After that it was a living hell .
From the drugs you used to the mental outbursts .
To you destroying my house both next houses .
The first house there was not one wall I didn’t have to repair , closet doors holes in all the walls in every single room . I remember you sneaking people in my house when I slept . You having parties while I was work to pay for your food and shelter . I remember the mental anguish the sleepless nights . You spitting on my face wishing so many times that I would die . You wish death on me so many times I’m surprised I’m still alive .

When we lived at your grandparents you treated them like shit , you even threatened your grandfather . You made my time there and there time unbearable . Then you got yourself arrested . I had to spend 15 grand to get you out . And still you went on to do the same at Sutter .
I have a hard drive with hundreds of pictures of all the damage . You abused me you called me every name on the  book . You insulted me stole  from me and mentally and physically abused me .
You shot me with a pellet gun ( you were on probation ) I should have had you arrested . But I didn’t and that was a mistake maybe you might have learned from that .
I took you to see doctors counsellor , all you si was make a joke out if it . You destroyed my house from top to bottom , furniture walls doors and more . You brought people to party while I was asleep . You stored and sold drugs out of my house . You brought criminals into my house . You once chased me down the street with one of my wrenches and threw it at my head , I put my arm up to block it and ended up with a bruise on my arm . You threatened my life so many times I lost count . Then at the condo the night mare started again when your mother kicked you out and I took you in because you made so many primes you  never kept one not even one . 
You had hooked and drug dealers coming to my home . You lived like an animal and obeyed not one rule . You pulled a knife on me threatened to kill me in my sleep . I remember it all . All the drugs pills and  other shit in your room amd you always denied being a drug dealer .
You spat on my face you wanted to kill me .
I will never forget all these things my only son did to me .
I only pray you get the help you so desperately need . You need severe mental help . Meds counselling and more . But until the day you admit and reach out for help  nothing will change unless you ask for help and admit how badly you need it .
I pray for you always . I pray for god  to protect you and guide you on the right path .
I pray that the new year brings you joy and happiness and I pray the new year you get a job and start making mends with your soul . Because you must have some little amount of regret and some small amount of guilt for what you m It’s almost the end of 2020 and you should look forward to changing your life make a better man of yourself but most important a better human being . 
I think about when you were born and I cried as I held you in my arms . Then I thing about 15 years later when you can to live with me and we were supposed to spend our first Christmas together .
Then I remember how  I cried all night again . You left said you would be back soon . You never came back that night . I waited up till about 5 in the morning . I tried calling your friends and drove all over town looking for you . That night I packed up all the presents I have picked out for you and there were many , enough to fell a large black garbage bag . I wanted to just toss them away but I didn’t . I took down the tree the same evening and erased every Christmas memory from  night . 
After that it was a living hell .
From the drugs you used to the mental outbursts .
To you destroying my house both next houses .
The first house there was not one wall I didn’t have to repair , closet doors holes in all the walls in every single room . I remember you sneaking people in my house when I slept . You having parties while I was work to pay for your food and shelter . I remember the mental anguish the sleepless nights . You spitting on my face wishing so many times that I would die . You wish death on me so many times I’m surprised I’m still alive .

When we lived at your grandparents you treated them like shit , you even threatened your grandfather . You made my time there and there time unbearable . Then you got yourself arrested . I had to spend 15 grand to get you out . And still you went on to do the same at Sutter .
I have a hard drive with hundreds of pictures of all the damage . You abused me you called me every name on the  book . You insulted me stole  from me and mentally and physically abused me .
You shot me with a pellet gun ( you were on probation ) I should have had you arrested . But I didn’t and that was a mistake maybe you might have learned from that .
I took you to see doctors counsellor , all you si was make a joke out if it . You destroyed my house from top to bottom , furniture walls doors and more . You brought people to party while I was asleep . You stored and sold drugs out of my house . You brought criminals into my house . You once chased me down the street with one of my wrenches and threw it at my head , I put my arm up to block it and ended up with a bruise on my arm . You threatened my life so many times I lost count . Then at the condo the night mare started again when your mother kicked you out and I took you in because you made so many primes you  never kept one not even one . 
You had hooked and drug dealers coming to my home . You lived like an animal and obeyed not one rule . You pulled a knife on me threatened to kill me in my sleep . I remember it all . All the drugs pills and  other shit in your room amd you always denied being a drug dealer .
You spat on my face you wanted to kill me .
I will never forget all these things my only son did to me .
I only pray you get the help you so desperately need . You need severe mental help . Meds counselling and more . But until the day you admit and reach out for help  nothing will change unless you ask for help and admit how badly you need it .
I pray for you always . I pray for god  to protect you and guide you on the right path .
I pray that the new year brings you joy and happiness and I pray the new year you get a job and start making mends with your soul . Because you must have some little amount of regret and some small amount of guilt for what you made me live through . I’m on medication because of you .
I don’t sleep nights and my anxiety level is so fight I often feel like I’m about to have a heart attack .
Anyway MICHAEL I wish you good fortune stay safe and healthy but grow up man up make the right choice to make a better life for yourself . Do it now while you can . Life is short I’m almost 56 I’ll be lucky if I see 60 with the stress I’m under and the pain I have endured this long my heart at some point I’m sure will give up .
I wish you a happy new year and all the best for 2021 .
Dad .

Sent from my iPhone ade me live through . I’m on medication because of you .
I don’t sleep nights and my anxiety level is so fight I often feel like I’m about to have a heart attack .
Anyway MICHAEL I wish you good fortune stay safe and healthy but grow up man up make the right choice to make a better life for yourself . Do it now while you can . Life is short I’m almost 56 I’ll be lucky if I see 60 with the stress I’m under and the pain I have endured this long my heart at some point I’m sure will give up .
I wish you a happy new year and all the best for 2021 .
Dad .

Sent from my iPhone