Life hurts sometimes

It's been a long time since I last wrote . I have sat in front of the computer countless times and either didn't have the courage or could not find the right words . Not that I didn't have anything to say , on the contrary there is so much that has happened in the past few years . So much that it's a bit overwhelming . I'm perplexed with thoughts and emotions . I've had a troubled and turbulent life , but I have to be honest and tell you that the last few years have been the most stressful and the most painful of all. Let me take you back . To a time perhaps of weakness or maybe vulnerability , I found myself l with the mother of my son . The woman that caused me so much pain was now the person I embraced. After a rekindled romance I once again fell victim to my fantasy. My illusion of what I thought happiness meant. To be with and part of a family once again. It all started as most relationships do , however it was all short lived . As the saying goes , the honeymoon was over , and it was over fairly quick! Once again I became a full time father a full time spouse and a full time caretaker . I am not going to sit here and whine and complain about how I felt used and neglected , nor will I get into the physical abuse I suffered once again . I put myself back into that sittuation . I was blinded by my desires to feel wanted to feel normal to feel like I belonged.It lasted about a year or so . At first evrything seemed fine but just like a leopard never changes his spots neither had she. She was still after alll these years , manipulative selfish and heartless. I finally left the torment of my desires .
Since then I've gone from a single part time dad to a full time father to what turned out to be the incarnation of his evil mother . All the years I suffered because of this persons lust for vengeance . Now I've suffered once more by the product of her rendering . My son the child I shed tears for when he was born ! I won't get into all that he has put me through because it's just too much pain to bare .
I have given my life dedicated my very existence for this person and now he treats me as I am the worst man to walk this earth . But those close to me know the truth !
I will go to my grave knowing that I have done all and more that is required to call myself ,

a father !!!  
Location: Brampton, ON, Canada

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