Eyes wide shut.




For most of my life, I have lived with my eyes wide shut. There are times in our lives when we question ourselves and suspect that not everything we see is all there is. I search deep with in my heart deep down into my soul and I have come to only one conclusion, my life has not even begun.
I open my eyes but fail to see the light; the darkness of my past blinds me. The truth is there, I know it is. Happiness cannot be very far. I have to think about all those around me whom I have done wrong. All those around me that truly matter; I wish I could make restitution but fail to see how. I believe that the road to forgiveness is paved with acknowledgement. The first step of any program is admitting to your faults. There is no recovery without self-evaluation.

Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned

My eyes no longer wide shut, however neither are they yet wide open.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pushed over the edge.

Image
Here I sit late at night my meds kicking in almost time for bed but time yet for one more smoke. What a hellish day I had, how do I always let people talk me into doing things I don’t want? Three fucking hours in bumper-to-bumper trafic. Metal, plastic and the smell of burning rubber in what must have seemed like 40 Celsius. Two screaming kids in the back and my anxiety medication was not doing it today after popping four Advil’s for my migraine that wasn’t cutting it either. All I could think about , between the screaming kids and the never-ending traffic. How badly I wanted to pull my car over to the shoulder to a screeching halt step out light a smoke and walk away from it all forever. The job search the uncertainty its all coming to a head if the kids hadn’t been in the car I would have driven into the first tree I could find. I don’t know, man what a fucked up day three hours just to sit on a dirty windy beach crowded with masses of common people like hoards of cattle. I despised
Read more

Volcano...

My head is heavy and my heart is sad. I hold in my anger , I try to bottle it up but I am afraid .I fear when it reaches it's boiling point it will blow without warning or control. My life is like a volcano , laying dormant for a long time , bubbling inside and temperatures rising. I have felt the tremors many times I feel the pressure , my head feels like it will blow at any second.I fear for the outcome . I fight day and night to keep it under control. I pray for guidance and strength, it is all I can do....
Read more

What else is there?

What else is there ? I have a great job , a great house , a nice car good friends and family. Yet I still long , I still search and for what? Why am I still so unhappy? Sadness is in my heart , pain takes over .Time goes by . I see my parents getting old , I see my son growing up becoming a young adult. I see my life slipping away , I feel like crying but the tears won't come. What is the meaning? what is the point? I work day and night for all I have . I work day and night to provide for my son. I have it all people say , I wish I had what you have people say. I wish I was more like you people say. All the while I am thinking I would give it all up if I could , if I could just figure out what I would give it all for! God has a plan I keep telling myself. God will show me the way I keep telling myself. I just wish God would give me a hint a clue a sign. Anything , anything before another gray hair before another wrinkle before another sleepless night!
Read more