Pollution of the mind.




What do we search for all our lives? All my life I have been searching, looking for something. Some elusive creature that some call happiness, I do not really know anymore if it exists or if it is just a myth. Pursuing a dream, perhaps an expedition or an exploration, I have been rummaging through my soul. A mélange a potpourri of emotions a hodgepodge of (GARBAGE).

I have heard it said that we are our own worst enemies .My insides have been fighting a loosing battle with my outer forces the enemies I have created. I have polluted my soul an my heart and my life with the way I have chosen to live it, although at times I have had very little control and seldom if ever, any choice..
It seems every time I make any head wave the amalgamation of the evil paratroopers that control my outer world are always set for a rapid deployment of the troops. One-step forward and ten steps back. My head tells me I am fighting a war that cannot be won, but my heart is strong perhaps too stubborn to just give in to their demands. Nevertheless, at what cost I ask myself? I am tired and weak, I could almost taste the led, but if I pull the trigger, they win so I ease off the pressure by the thoughts of my son. He is all I have and all I will always have, God how I hate the fact that he is turning out to be just like his mother. I can see it in his anger in his frustration in his way of talking to me, with this authoritative manner, as if I am beneath both of them anything I say is mostly ignored then I get angry and have to remind him I am still his Father it sometimes works, not always. I am tired so tired, so dam tired.

Comments

  1. Wait. What?August 22, 2008 at 4:29 AM

    I believe that we are indeed our own worst enemies - I wish you strength and peace and rest. Cat

    ReplyDelete

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