Friends or Acquaintances?





A few months ago after a long debate with my conscience , I decided that I needed to take stock of who the people around me were.
I started with a female friend I had . I met this person not long after my marriage ended.A friend of a friend sort of thing, got us together.
Man it seemed great at first someone actually wanted me and seemed to really care about me. Not long into this friendship we started dating.Needless to say , it should not have happened . I now know that I was not ready for this.Don't get me wrong she was and still is a wonderful person , like the Blue Rodeo song says, just bad timing that's all.
I won't get into all of the dynamics of this relationship , it just would not be fair to her. She was such a great friend and I do miss her dearly.Unfortunately she eventually fell out of love with me. Heck who can blame her ?
I put her through allot of crap. What with all the problems with my ex that still haunt me today.The fact that I had a child the fact that I have no money and the fact that I never showed her any love or compassion. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to show anyone any of those things again. I do want to love trust me I truly do I just don't believe I can.
And like James Blunt says good bye my lover good bye my friend.
This is one person I will for ever regret not talking to again, but someday she will understand that I could not be just her friend and if she was to move on and find true happiness I needed , at least for her sake cut all ties.

Next were two so called friends. One battling a substance abuse problem the other a womaniser and a liar.

The last time I saw them both they were drunk and trying with all their might to get me to drink
I refused as I had to drive home from their place , plus the next day my son was coming over so I had to get up early to go shopping then clean the house. I explained , or at least tried to explain this to them but it was like talking to a rock.Make that two rocks.

But what really made my decision easier that night was when while the other was sucking back one too many and planning his next strategic maneuver that would surely guarantee at the very least a tongue down his through the coming weekend.
I tried for some reason to divulge some of my future plans and goals to the other rock. You see I dream of the day when I wake up and step out into my back porch and all I see is green."My life in the country"
I may die a lonely man a man without love .
I at least want to die with this last vision.

Anyway getting a little emotional here. This piece of granite turns to me and says, are you for F*****g real ?are you kidding me?

It was then when I decided I needed to not only change my circle of friends, but to take stock and decipher one of the oldest mysteries , what makes a friend ?

There were others that met with the same fate , and I don't have any regrets . I can honestly say other than ( CP ) I don't miss any of them and I am a better person for it.

No one I knew and maybe no one I have ever known made the grade , so my conclusion was that I have had many many acquaintances but not one friend my entire life.

What a sad realization this was for me.


Yesterday was my birthday. not one acquaintance called ( My only disappointment was that CP didn't call ) I know it was best for us to cut all ties , but I guess since no one other than family called I thought for a moment she would call to say at least Happy birthday.

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