The woman I (loved)
First let me say that a previous extremely long post was deleted somehow, it was very important as it led into this current post. I will try to fill you in since it seems to be gone for good .Thanks for your understanding.
Well the saga continues, last Wednesday March 21st ( first day of spring) I get a call from my son's school, they tell me my son is in the office and he is not feeling well , I didn't even ask what the problem was all I said was , I am on my way.
When I get there they proceed to tell me that it took them a long time to get hold of me because they didn't have authority from my ex to call me in case of an emergency,( are you confused?) I was.
I raised my son ,I was his Mother and his Father.
While my ex was screwing around ,I was at home taking care of our son and our house .Yes I am bitter but don't read into it . I did raise my son she was never home after he was born, she couldn't handle Motherhood . I didn't mind I love my son I fed him bathed him took him to daycare and picked him up. The only times she had no choice was when I worked afternoons or I worked overtime. At this point I wasn't working as much overtime as I did before he was born, but even when I worked afternoons or overtime my pager was going off all the time, when you coming home I can't stand this kid he is driving me up the wall .
Those are the kind of things a new Mother says?
I asked myself that all the time , but never confronted her ,I wish I had!
Anyway I am getting carried away , I tell you I could go on for ever with the stories that I have the memories that have been burning a hole in my gut, the memories that have torn my heart to shreds . I will someday get it all out perhaps this is the best medium for me (after all my shrink hasn't done a thing other than keep me medicated all these years). Don't get me wrong she is a great lady and a wonderful Doctor , what I am saying simply is for me personally it hasn't helped.
Anyway getting back to last Wednesday , so as I am being informed that even though I had allot to do with the fact that my child was conceived , as it stands here in Ontario Canada as a Father I have no rights. This my friends I have learned over and over.
So the assistant at the school says can you ask your ex wife and her boyfriend to put you on the list of contacts?
I looked at her stunned the words wouldn't come out of my mouth I couldn't even formulate a rational thought.
It was like I got hit by a truck , you know those big construction dump trucks that drive at any speed that wills the driver ? They drive like they own the road and you know better to just get out of the way or you'll be saying hello to your ancestors sooner than you expected.I felt like that!
She was looking at me like I had a third eye when I finally said , OK just ad my name to the list!
WOW what the F did I say?
The whole office went silent, I looked around and I felt like the centre of a dart board , I noticed I was all alone in a room full of people(women).You could have heard a pin drop .
I was thinking , what did I say ? then I realized I was standing in a room full of ignorance.
All these women were looking at me like I just stepped off of a spaceship holding onto ET's hand.Don't get my comments wrong I love woman dearly, my Mother is a woman , unfortunately my ex is also one.Just kidding.
It's just frustrates me to no end how I am treated because I am a man.
Woman have been fighting (and rightly so) for their rights for many years. I am not a woman brasher , but it seems to me that at least from my experience here in Ontario Canada. all men are dead beat Dad's . And that is not the truth what so ever.
Why am I judged by what others in the past have done?
I am a loving caring supportive Father I have been ,since the second my son was born.(Can his Mother say the same?) she probably would but I know, and God knows the truth . (Jesus said "...you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32
And the truth shall set us all free.
So now she says to me, we can't do that!!
Only his mother can, now understand why I was confused you see my son is two thirds through second grade. I have met many of his teachers I have met the Principal( yes the one Man that wasn't there that day) I have met the directors my son's daycare provider who is on the school board knows me very well and happened to be there at the same time and standing next to me, as it turned out she was there to pick up one of her pupils. She was so sympathetic to me ( she is another wonderful woman truly) she says don't worry about it they do this allot.
And if my memory serves me correctly I have spoken with this school many many times.
So this would lead to only one conclusion , my ex and her "boyfriend" had my name taken off the list.
At this point all I could do was take my son in my arms hug him and told him that Daddy loved him. You see if my son hadn't been in that room I think and rightly so i would have exploded all over these so called professionals of the school system( now you know that I really wanted to call them something else right?)
But lets keep it clean. I took my son home right away I changed him into some warm PJ's clean socks and a light top as he was a bit warm.
I asked him if he had any lunch at school before I picked him up? he said no so I told him I was making his favorite , Chicken noodle soup.
He said he didn't feel like having the noodles and I said that he at least needed to have some liquids, so we compromised . I made his soup added some veggies to it (don't tell him) boiled it for a while than strained it all so that he would just have the broth.
He loved it and it made me so happy. I also gave him something to bring his temperature down a bit.He didn't have a fever but was a bit warm.
With in an hour or so he was back to his normal self.
One thing I forgot to mention was that the school had let it slip that my ex had put her father on the list of contact now.
This is the man she swore one day she wanted to kill him . I never saw rage and hatred like I witnessed every time those two were in the same room.
At this point I wanted to speak to my ex to find out what was going on. So I called her work , i had to dial several times as I had a hard time recalling her work number since I never use it. Anyway I finally got it right , after a few rings they answered blah blah blah Travel.
I asked for her by her first name , only because I hate referring to her as Ms *****.
You see she still uses my last name , why people always ask ? I have no idea.
Hold please the receptionist said.
Sorry she is out for the day, for the whole day I asked ? she fumbled with her words , I could tell something was amidst.When do you expect her back I asked?
Aah well she"ll be back in on Friday, she said.
Friday I asked? yes she said , so you mean she is out of town? yes she said left today and won't be back till then.
I didn't know what to do . I have no way of contacting her since she changed her number and refuses to give it to me.
Out of desperation and against my better judgement I decide to call her father.
What a mistake, Yellow he said as if that is somehow still funny to this old man.
I said my name and asked him to please try to reach his daughter as I needed to speak to her on an urgent matter.
He laughed ( funny enough he sounds just like his daughter) sounds to me like you have a problem? I assured him that I had no problem but did need to speak to his daughter and since she is out of town and I don't have her phone number if he could please call her and ask her to call me back?
Laughter again and again , I think you have a little problem maybe you should learn to take care of your kid!
I wanted to reach into my phone and strangle this idiot.Instead I just hung up.
I waited all night for her call , it never came.
At this point I didn't know what to do.My son didn't want to go home (he never does) .He kept asking me if he could stay , man that hurt sooooooooo much.
You see even though she is not home the last time we were in court about two months ago, yes this is still going on after five years ( they are relentless the boyfriend and her ).
I was ordered by the court to drop my son off at her house whether she is home or not, as long as there is an adult at the house I have no choice.And guess who was the adult there that night?
Her boyfriend . We were running a little late that night since I didn't hear back from his mom or the grandfather and my calls to her home remained unanswered, we decided to take our time .He has to be home by 8 pm we were about 20 minutes late when the boyfriend decided he should call me and remind me that MY SON has to be home at 8pm and that we were late!
So this is the responsible adult the court has ordered me to hand my son over to.The man that while his wife was at home taking care of a small child and one on the way, this man was tramping around with my wife.
Oh yea very responsible!
He called me again when we were a block away , he does this cause he can and takes every opportunity he can to rub it in my face.
I dropped my son off at the curb since I am not allowed to set foot on what used to be my house, and this responsible adult stood at the door in a t shirt and boxers or shorts , I couldn't tell , he stood there laughing at me and waving.
Where ,are his kids and ex wife ? I wonder . He is pretending to be the man of my house and as he has put it in the past and my ex concurred a better father to My son than me. I am not a violent man, but if I was? who knows.
I gave my son a Long hug and kiss said Daddy loved him and that I would see him again next Wednesday(my birthday).
He is so looking forward to this because since the demise of the sham that my marriage was , this is the first time he is able to spend my birthday with me.
She has only once allowed him to call me and say happy birthday Daddy.
Why is she so angry , so bitter so mean? I ask myself this day in and day out.
Consider this , after all the abuse I took from her before our son was born and after he was born, even though I suspected the affair was not just in my head ( as she would say) even after I ended up having a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized when my suspicions were confirmed by the private eye I hired.
Even after all that I still would have stayed with her , all she had to do was want me to. Alas she did not.And so here I am a lonely man a sad man at times , but a man nonetheless with a big forgiving heart. I have forgiven her (have I forgotten)? I would have to say short of having a frontal lobotomy that would be impossible.
This brings me to Saturday March 24Th , I decided to call her , she answered to my surprise. My son tells me that when I used to call she would never pick up and she would not allow him to pick up. So I stopped calling , I used to call daily to speak to my son but as my calls went ignored I eventually stopped calling.
So I was surprised when she picked up . I said I had to things to ask her one was about what had happened on Wednesday the other thing was that I wanted to do was to speak to Michael . She said her Father was now the person of contact in case of an emergency , I said that is fine but could she please also ad me since the school had a rad time getting g hold of anyone , and they won't ad me to it unless you tell them to?
She said NO! Since I was to pick him up on that Wednesday anyway , that was the only reason she allowed them to call me. I am his Father ,I protested with no response.
She said is that all ? you did say you had two things to say? I asked her why she was so angry after all this time why was she making things so hard for me ? why can't she just let me be? she hung up without e response.
There was no need you see, I have always known why they hate me so much and why they are not happy if I am happy. When I found out about the affair I also found out a little about him. Through the Private eye I found out where he lived and his wife's name and address. man did my Lawyer give me shit . you see I was so filled with rage that I drove 5 hours away where his happy other life was and presented his wife with video cassette and details of this torrid love affair.
When they found out , they were relentless he himself called me numerous times threatening me , she (my ex) was so angry with me for doing this to her LOVE, that she swore she would not stop and I quote " I won't stop until you are miserable and penniless" I swear she said this.
And I tell you the God's honest truth , she has come close. (more to come )
Well the saga continues, last Wednesday March 21st ( first day of spring) I get a call from my son's school, they tell me my son is in the office and he is not feeling well , I didn't even ask what the problem was all I said was , I am on my way.
When I get there they proceed to tell me that it took them a long time to get hold of me because they didn't have authority from my ex to call me in case of an emergency,( are you confused?) I was.
I raised my son ,I was his Mother and his Father.
While my ex was screwing around ,I was at home taking care of our son and our house .Yes I am bitter but don't read into it . I did raise my son she was never home after he was born, she couldn't handle Motherhood . I didn't mind I love my son I fed him bathed him took him to daycare and picked him up. The only times she had no choice was when I worked afternoons or I worked overtime. At this point I wasn't working as much overtime as I did before he was born, but even when I worked afternoons or overtime my pager was going off all the time, when you coming home I can't stand this kid he is driving me up the wall .
Those are the kind of things a new Mother says?
I asked myself that all the time , but never confronted her ,I wish I had!
Anyway I am getting carried away , I tell you I could go on for ever with the stories that I have the memories that have been burning a hole in my gut, the memories that have torn my heart to shreds . I will someday get it all out perhaps this is the best medium for me (after all my shrink hasn't done a thing other than keep me medicated all these years). Don't get me wrong she is a great lady and a wonderful Doctor , what I am saying simply is for me personally it hasn't helped.
Anyway getting back to last Wednesday , so as I am being informed that even though I had allot to do with the fact that my child was conceived , as it stands here in Ontario Canada as a Father I have no rights. This my friends I have learned over and over.
So the assistant at the school says can you ask your ex wife and her boyfriend to put you on the list of contacts?
I looked at her stunned the words wouldn't come out of my mouth I couldn't even formulate a rational thought.
It was like I got hit by a truck , you know those big construction dump trucks that drive at any speed that wills the driver ? They drive like they own the road and you know better to just get out of the way or you'll be saying hello to your ancestors sooner than you expected.I felt like that!
She was looking at me like I had a third eye when I finally said , OK just ad my name to the list!
WOW what the F did I say?
The whole office went silent, I looked around and I felt like the centre of a dart board , I noticed I was all alone in a room full of people(women).You could have heard a pin drop .
I was thinking , what did I say ? then I realized I was standing in a room full of ignorance.
All these women were looking at me like I just stepped off of a spaceship holding onto ET's hand.Don't get my comments wrong I love woman dearly, my Mother is a woman , unfortunately my ex is also one.Just kidding.
It's just frustrates me to no end how I am treated because I am a man.
Woman have been fighting (and rightly so) for their rights for many years. I am not a woman brasher , but it seems to me that at least from my experience here in Ontario Canada. all men are dead beat Dad's . And that is not the truth what so ever.
Why am I judged by what others in the past have done?
I am a loving caring supportive Father I have been ,since the second my son was born.(Can his Mother say the same?) she probably would but I know, and God knows the truth . (Jesus said "...you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32
And the truth shall set us all free.
So now she says to me, we can't do that!!
Only his mother can, now understand why I was confused you see my son is two thirds through second grade. I have met many of his teachers I have met the Principal( yes the one Man that wasn't there that day) I have met the directors my son's daycare provider who is on the school board knows me very well and happened to be there at the same time and standing next to me, as it turned out she was there to pick up one of her pupils. She was so sympathetic to me ( she is another wonderful woman truly) she says don't worry about it they do this allot.
And if my memory serves me correctly I have spoken with this school many many times.
So this would lead to only one conclusion , my ex and her "boyfriend" had my name taken off the list.
At this point all I could do was take my son in my arms hug him and told him that Daddy loved him. You see if my son hadn't been in that room I think and rightly so i would have exploded all over these so called professionals of the school system( now you know that I really wanted to call them something else right?)
But lets keep it clean. I took my son home right away I changed him into some warm PJ's clean socks and a light top as he was a bit warm.
I asked him if he had any lunch at school before I picked him up? he said no so I told him I was making his favorite , Chicken noodle soup.
He said he didn't feel like having the noodles and I said that he at least needed to have some liquids, so we compromised . I made his soup added some veggies to it (don't tell him) boiled it for a while than strained it all so that he would just have the broth.
He loved it and it made me so happy. I also gave him something to bring his temperature down a bit.He didn't have a fever but was a bit warm.
With in an hour or so he was back to his normal self.
One thing I forgot to mention was that the school had let it slip that my ex had put her father on the list of contact now.
This is the man she swore one day she wanted to kill him . I never saw rage and hatred like I witnessed every time those two were in the same room.
At this point I wanted to speak to my ex to find out what was going on. So I called her work , i had to dial several times as I had a hard time recalling her work number since I never use it. Anyway I finally got it right , after a few rings they answered blah blah blah Travel.
I asked for her by her first name , only because I hate referring to her as Ms *****.
You see she still uses my last name , why people always ask ? I have no idea.
Hold please the receptionist said.
Sorry she is out for the day, for the whole day I asked ? she fumbled with her words , I could tell something was amidst.When do you expect her back I asked?
Aah well she"ll be back in on Friday, she said.
Friday I asked? yes she said , so you mean she is out of town? yes she said left today and won't be back till then.
I didn't know what to do . I have no way of contacting her since she changed her number and refuses to give it to me.
Out of desperation and against my better judgement I decide to call her father.
What a mistake, Yellow he said as if that is somehow still funny to this old man.
I said my name and asked him to please try to reach his daughter as I needed to speak to her on an urgent matter.
He laughed ( funny enough he sounds just like his daughter) sounds to me like you have a problem? I assured him that I had no problem but did need to speak to his daughter and since she is out of town and I don't have her phone number if he could please call her and ask her to call me back?
Laughter again and again , I think you have a little problem maybe you should learn to take care of your kid!
I wanted to reach into my phone and strangle this idiot.Instead I just hung up.
I waited all night for her call , it never came.
At this point I didn't know what to do.My son didn't want to go home (he never does) .He kept asking me if he could stay , man that hurt sooooooooo much.
You see even though she is not home the last time we were in court about two months ago, yes this is still going on after five years ( they are relentless the boyfriend and her ).
I was ordered by the court to drop my son off at her house whether she is home or not, as long as there is an adult at the house I have no choice.And guess who was the adult there that night?
Her boyfriend . We were running a little late that night since I didn't hear back from his mom or the grandfather and my calls to her home remained unanswered, we decided to take our time .He has to be home by 8 pm we were about 20 minutes late when the boyfriend decided he should call me and remind me that MY SON has to be home at 8pm and that we were late!
So this is the responsible adult the court has ordered me to hand my son over to.The man that while his wife was at home taking care of a small child and one on the way, this man was tramping around with my wife.
Oh yea very responsible!
He called me again when we were a block away , he does this cause he can and takes every opportunity he can to rub it in my face.
I dropped my son off at the curb since I am not allowed to set foot on what used to be my house, and this responsible adult stood at the door in a t shirt and boxers or shorts , I couldn't tell , he stood there laughing at me and waving.
Where ,are his kids and ex wife ? I wonder . He is pretending to be the man of my house and as he has put it in the past and my ex concurred a better father to My son than me. I am not a violent man, but if I was? who knows.
I gave my son a Long hug and kiss said Daddy loved him and that I would see him again next Wednesday(my birthday).
He is so looking forward to this because since the demise of the sham that my marriage was , this is the first time he is able to spend my birthday with me.
She has only once allowed him to call me and say happy birthday Daddy.
Why is she so angry , so bitter so mean? I ask myself this day in and day out.
Consider this , after all the abuse I took from her before our son was born and after he was born, even though I suspected the affair was not just in my head ( as she would say) even after I ended up having a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized when my suspicions were confirmed by the private eye I hired.
Even after all that I still would have stayed with her , all she had to do was want me to. Alas she did not.And so here I am a lonely man a sad man at times , but a man nonetheless with a big forgiving heart. I have forgiven her (have I forgotten)? I would have to say short of having a frontal lobotomy that would be impossible.
This brings me to Saturday March 24Th , I decided to call her , she answered to my surprise. My son tells me that when I used to call she would never pick up and she would not allow him to pick up. So I stopped calling , I used to call daily to speak to my son but as my calls went ignored I eventually stopped calling.
So I was surprised when she picked up . I said I had to things to ask her one was about what had happened on Wednesday the other thing was that I wanted to do was to speak to Michael . She said her Father was now the person of contact in case of an emergency , I said that is fine but could she please also ad me since the school had a rad time getting g hold of anyone , and they won't ad me to it unless you tell them to?
She said NO! Since I was to pick him up on that Wednesday anyway , that was the only reason she allowed them to call me. I am his Father ,I protested with no response.
She said is that all ? you did say you had two things to say? I asked her why she was so angry after all this time why was she making things so hard for me ? why can't she just let me be? she hung up without e response.
There was no need you see, I have always known why they hate me so much and why they are not happy if I am happy. When I found out about the affair I also found out a little about him. Through the Private eye I found out where he lived and his wife's name and address. man did my Lawyer give me shit . you see I was so filled with rage that I drove 5 hours away where his happy other life was and presented his wife with video cassette and details of this torrid love affair.
When they found out , they were relentless he himself called me numerous times threatening me , she (my ex) was so angry with me for doing this to her LOVE, that she swore she would not stop and I quote " I won't stop until you are miserable and penniless" I swear she said this.
And I tell you the God's honest truth , she has come close. (more to come )
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