MY LIFE IN MY OWN WORDS

Well you can Imagine when the news broke about the pet food scare I was livid!and frightened.But I quickly went on to the Whiskas web site and they confirmed the food she was getting was safe , what a relief. On to my son's pet Cat. Stripes,"Stripes the Cat"he named her the moment he laid his little eyes on her. We searched high and low for his first pet. I say his first pet because, this was the first pet he adopted at Daddy's house.He used to have a gold fish at his Mom's place , but sadly it didn't live long.I am not sure how long gold fish normally live, but I know he had him for a couple of years, he once brought him over to my place for a week while his Mom and boyfriend were on vacation.I fed him and changed his water , following careful instructions from , my then 3 year old son. Sadly he passed on to gold fish heaven. His Mom informed me of his untimely passing , but had not told our son.I was surprised because he had just been over to my place and ne...

Dreams! A dream is an involuntary vision ,an indulgent state of mind .And I indulge in my dreams to the fullest. To me dreams to be honest, is what I do during the day, I spend allot of time, day dreaming,dreaming of a day ,a place in time where I can be free. I dream of a day when I am truly happy! I dream of a day when there is Peace in my life.I dream of a day when I can look back at it all analyze it and be able to say "this is my dream"!And that was the journey that led me here! I dream of a little house out in the country where all I see around me are trees and rolling hills of green.A place where Mother nature herself may call home, "home where is my home right now?" when and where , will my home be ? All I know is that I am far ,from home, far from happiness far from my dream. I have heard it said once , that the dreamer may die but the dream lives on. I only pray I may live long enough to see "my dream" fulfilled . There are many nights when a lay...

Listen, I just wanted to clarify something with you , you said.What is it ? I asked. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about where we stand, you know because I came out to see you today! I know, don't worry , I said.We can't turn back time, you said. I know , we can't turn back the hands of time, I know that! I said. Superman ,when faced with the realization that he would live for eternity without his beloved Lois Lane , in desperation for love managed to stop time by flying around the world back in time . The earth and its mighty power were no match for this immortal being. The world and time stopped , then he flew and flew and flew like he never had before.The earth started to rotate backwards therefore undoing its injustice to his shattered heart. Yes for even Superman with his unstoppable powers could not escape the wrath of a broken heart.Time indeed turned back for him he managed to save his beloved and love prevailed. Last time I looked at myself in the mirr...

My friend! First let me tell you that every thing I said last night was true.I care about you and there will always be a place in my heart for you , whats left of it. However I may have been a little tired ,and perhaps lacked some judgement. I didn't have a pleasant sleep last night after we spoke.And the night mares I spoke of in the past ?. Well lets just say they have come back for an encore. My friend I know I have not been honest with you ,I know I betrayed you. I am man enough to admit this! But now with a clear head I think about what you revealed to me last night. I can't believe you have been spying on me and my personal life for two years if not longer.Checking my e-mail accounts .Reading everything perhaps before I, even did?. I am riddled with shame for the untruths I told. I am burdened by remorse for the things I did.The heavy guilt load I carry could sink a thousand ships. Why my friend ?why did you not confront me ? as my best friend ,as you always claimed to be...

It started with an unsolicited call , out of the blue that is.Hello how are you? she asked, fine how are you ? I hesitantly replied.I have not heard that sweet voice from my past in such a long time , my heart melted and my thoughts went into overdrive. I didn't know what to make of this ,other than maybe perhaps she has read my blog and something triggered an impulse to succumb and give into the love that she might still feel deep in her heart for me.(perhaps it was wishful thinking).Not the first time I have been accused of coming to an unwarranted assumption. My ex used to ask why are you reading into things? just because I put on my ring doesn't meant we are going forward anywhere. I wear it as jewellery. Yea that's what a kick in the ass feels like. Trying my hardest not to let her know that I was trembling with fear, not of her but the unknown. Fear that this conversation should also end in heartache. The more we spoke the more comfortable I got , out of the blue I as...

Friday I picked my son up from School , as I normally do my access weekends.He loves it I still remember before he started grade one he would always ask me if I could picked him up right at school instead of the day care he goes to after school. Since I am off work and have been for a while I see no reason for me not to.Even though my ex is totally against it and we have had our share of "words" over this issue.I guess because she doesn't pick him up till 6: pm or sometimes later , in her eyes she thinks I am getting the edge as she put it .(how ridiculous). I mean she could pick him up early also she just doesn't want to.You may say , yeah but she is busy working!Sure you are right she is busy and she does work.However she is not on a schedule she is in sales works when she wants to , and when she wants to she also works from home ,she dictates her own schedule she is free to do with her time as she wishes. So I picked him up and he was as happy as usual , or so it s...

You can only kick a dog so many times before it will turn and bite. This dog has been kicked enough , all those that are thinking of kicking proceed with caution. Let me fill you in on the latest.So my sons mother calls Thursday night around 9;30 pm, oddly enough when she calls which is not often anymore she always calls after my son has gone to bed. Every time I ask to speak to him the answer is he is sleeping , OK ,I say. She process to tell me hoe this year our son soccer schedule is somewhat conflicting , what do you mean? I say.Well they are playing on Wednesday instead of Tuesdays for the first time in Three years. Oh, I see where this is headed, so she proceeds to offer graciously that she is willing to pay for his soccer if I switch my visitation to Tuesday. Yes here we go again people.Well of course unless you want to take him? she says. What ? did I hear right? I jumped on it ,of course I will take him it's my day anyway I would love to .But what about the cost? she asks....

My son's holy Communion will take place in two weeks, and I was just informed by his Mom that I was allowed to attend ( allowed ? ).Yep she actually said that, and she wanted to let me know that her Family and boyfriend will be there also , she wanted to know if I was going to be there ,and that I had no choice as to who attended.( she meant her "boyfriend") Last time I checked the church welcomed all, I don't believe last time I was there I had to get permission from anyone. I will attend my son's Communion even if the Pope himself said I couldn't go. It won't be easy that is for sure . I am not looking forward to seeing her family and boyfriend all together living the lie of a perfect family. But I will put on brave face and stand there proudly for my boy. The biggest issue here is that his Communion happens to be on my access weekend , and by right I should be the one calling her with the details. But because we live in a society that automatically labe...

Happy 42! It was one of the best birthdays ever. It was the first birthday since my separation and divorce that I was able to see my son. It just happened to fall on the day of my visitation with him. Man was he happy! You would have thought it was his birthday.I picked him up from school then we went out to dinner to his favourite restaurant (not the golden arches) although at 8 years of age the arches is his favourite but I left it up to him and he insisted we go to our favourite place ,he also suggested we go to the Home Depot so he can pick something out for me, I told him that it wasn't necessary what an awesome kid. I am so stuffed that I had to take some pink stuff to settle my stomach , you see he insisted I go for the all you can eat ribs, and of course I had to order several refills and he got such a kick out of watching me stuff my face. We then shared an ice cream that came with gummy worms and he loved it( I love him so , I live for him). After that we went to our favo...

A few months ago after a long debate with my conscience , I decided that I needed to take stock of who the people around me were. I started with a female friend I had . I met this person not long after my marriage ended.A friend of a friend sort of thing, got us together. Man it seemed great at first someone actually wanted me and seemed to really care about me. Not long into this friendship we started dating.Needless to say , it should not have happened . I now know that I was not ready for this.Don't get me wrong she was and still is a wonderful person , like the Blue Rodeo song says, just bad timing that's all. I won't get into all of the dynamics of this relationship , it just would not be fair to her. She was such a great friend and I do miss her dearly.Unfortunately she eventually fell out of love with me. Heck who can blame her ? I put her through allot of crap. What with all the problems with my ex that still haunt me today.The fact that I had a child the fact that ...

I am posting this to allow others to try to see what I see. Since I was a kid I loved to color. I mostly love shapes, Circles and Triangles are my favorite . Each one of these unique pieces takes days to complete. It is very labour intensive . But it's a labour of love since I am able to express my deepest thoughts through these shapes and colors.I lose my self in them and try to express what I feel at that ,time . It's all free hand work and all colored in pencil (sounds like child play?) you say,but my back and my wrists will tell a different story as it takes hours and sometimes days for each one.I take it very serious . What is funny is that less than a handful of people that know me , are aware of my passions. It is very dear and private to me . Each one is done by hand ,drawn and colored by hand , they are each unique as it would be impossible for me to reproduce the same results each time. I love the way the shapes and different colors make me feel. And I hope you like t...

First let me say that a previous extremely long post was deleted somehow, it was very important as it led into this current post. I will try to fill you in since it seems to be gone for good .Thanks for your understanding. Well the saga continues, last Wednesday March 21st ( first day of spring) I get a call from my son's school, they tell me my son is in the office and he is not feeling well , I didn't even ask what the problem was all I said was , I am on my way. When I get there they proceed to tell me that it took them a long time to get hold of me because they didn't have authority from my ex to call me in case of an emergency,( are you confused?) I was. I raised my son ,I was his Mother and his Father. While my ex was screwing around ,I was at home taking care of our son and our house .Yes I am bitter but don't read into it . I did raise my son she was never home after he was born, she couldn't handle Motherhood . I didn't mind I love my son I fed him bath...

The woman I loved , now lies in some one Else's arms. The woman I loved has forgotten all the good times we had , all the laughs we shared all the pain we endured during our first few years together. We married in the mid 90s , we decided to wait a couple of years before we started a family.Little did we know how difficult this simple plan we had concocted would be to implement. It took three years for us to be able to conceive. The struggle the emotional roller coaster the pain we endured , no one could have foretold . At times I wondered myself , was this the will of God?. Are we not meant to become parents?. As it turned out there was a problem that needed a small surgical procedure to be performed on her. About a month after her surgery we were on our way to becoming proud parents of the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. I always (naively) believed that things would change ,that she would change once we had a baby.I was never more wrong. Her anger ,her bouts with PMS ...