"My Dream " my own little space

Dreams!

A dream is an involuntary vision ,an indulgent state of mind .And I indulge in my dreams to the fullest.
To me dreams to be honest, is what I do during the day, I spend allot of time,
day dreaming,dreaming of a day ,a place in time where I can be free. I dream of a day when I am truly happy! I dream of a day when there is Peace in my life.I dream of a day when I can look back at it all analyze it and be able to say "this is my dream"!And that was the journey that led me here!

I dream of a little house out in the country where all I see around me are trees and rolling hills of green.A place where Mother nature herself may call home,
"home where is my home right now?" when and where , will my home be ?

All I know is that I am far ,from home, far from happiness far from my dream.

I have heard it said once , that the dreamer may die but the dream lives on. I only pray I may live long enough to see "my dream" fulfilled .

There are many nights when a lay myself to sleep, that I have often thought , you know, if I don't wake up tomorrow I think that would be OK!
But when I finally awake the next morning I thank the lord above that I was able to open my eyes, for each day that I manage (with the lord help) to take another breath , that is one day closer to my dream.

My son often speaks of my dreams, I have shared all my future dreams with him, funny enough this beautiful blessing from the heavens , has made a hostile take over, of what I tough was a dream that I had monopolized.Little did I know he had other plans for us and my dreams.

He talks about it like if he himself had dreamt the same dream.I think I might have to make some alterations to my future ( dreams) to accommodate, some of my son's own additions to my dream! I recently learned there might be some permanent residents added to my supposed sanctuary.
So far he has mentioned a couple of cows , some chickens . (one pig named Babe) and of course lots of cats and dogs. Well so much for my idea of a little hiding place in the Country, my little dream has now become a petting zoo.( I love him) I love the way his bright mind works and the wonderful world he lives in.

He is intent on someday living with me full time,he tells me this , well lately it seems every chance he gets.( Friends believe me these are not ideas I put into his head) anyone that knows me and knows him, can attest to that.He loves me so much and he knows I love him a great deal.

From the moment he grazed us with his grand entry into our lives and I held him in my arms.I Will never forget how proud I was ,man what a happy day that was.

Just hours before he was born,I was riddled with mortal fear.

From her bedside I could see people running back and forth in the hall, I heard people grieving with the cry of despair.When I saw all the commotion in the hall, I said to my wife ,let me see what this is all about.I went out to the hall I stopped a nurse to find out what was going on .

Was there some kind of an emergency , I asked ?

As she slowly raised her head from staring at the floor I saw tears in her eyes then she revealed what had just taken place .My heart was shattered when she told me that this precious gift from God , was reclaimed and sent quickly back to heaven.

My God!
The lamentation I felt for this anguished family .
My wife called out to me and asked , what did she say?. I was stunned by fear ,she repeated herself, I was frozen in time and was not able to answer , I was simply scared.I felt like I needed to be where I was stand my ground , I felt like if I left my guard post for one second I might leave to chance what may happen next and I wasn't willing to allow that.I managed to turn my head slightly just enough to see my wife.
Looking at this beautiful woman caring my future saviour,( I say this because there has been many times in my life , where I tell you the God's honest truth ,if it had not been for my son) I may not be here today telling you this story, so in my eyes ,he is truly my saviour.
My son, the child that was soon to be the greatest and perhaps only joy of my life, the child that took more than three years to conceive.This child I would protect to the end of time.

My wife called for me again ! Nothing I said, don't worry . As she lay there in pain, I admired her , as I admire all women .
I admire their strengths and their fragility.(what a contradiction )

I decided that no one was going to take my son from me. I stood at the door way for what seemed to be hours , I stood guard. My wife kept telling me to calm down and sit. It was still a few hours before her contractions were to start.
I told my self in these words exactly, I remember like it was yesterday. I said in a low voice" Death you are not coming near my child if you try you will have to settle for taking me instead". When my son made his grand entrance there was some difficulties,because of the Nuchal Cord , we rushed him to the incubator I was allowed to take him there in my arms.My wife always said that our son was closer to me because I was the first to hold him.(I do believe she resented me for that).
As he laid there this little gift from above , he looked so small , so fragile.
I started calling his name he immediately turned his head to face me , although his eyes remained shut I knew in my heart he could hear me and he knew this voice from before.You see since conception I spoke to him , I read to him I sang to him , I knew him and he knew me.
Eight years later , I still read to him and still sing his favourite song
"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" . He said just last weekend ,Daddy please don't ever stop singing to me!.I said I will never stop until you ask me to.

I have only told his story to maybe two or three people . For years I kept this secret to myself, only for fear that if this secret were to be revealed the spell I casted that very evening on this messenger of Death, that spell would be broken !

I remember the first time I told my wife.We were on vacation and we got deep into some conversations about life, I told her I had a secret that I had not ever shared with anyone. But I was afraid of the consequences if i were to reveal my engagement with Death many years past.

She insisted , so I tolled her, as she always instead on everything .
Well none the less , in a restaurant full of patrons I sobbed like a child when I was finally able to release the pressure that had built up in my heart all those years.
I cried for relief but I also cried for fear that death would come back and claim his prize. I knew in my heart that I had protected my child that night and perhaps death did not want to deal with a father that had struggled so hard and had battled many other demons before him and the fact that I was standing there ready to challenge the most formidable opponent , ready with my armour in hand (GOD) god was my armour for I prayed to the Lord not to take my son with him to take me instead if anyone was to be taken at all.I knew God was then on my side.

Years later although his Mom And I have parted ways.My son is a happy very intelligent little boy.Sometimes I can't stop from wondering , if I really did have a part in changing fate? I am a believer of fate. And maybe perhaps that was my fate maybe ?
You see my son wasn't due for two more weeks , he was to be born on my birthday ( The greatest gift of my life I kept thinking),but his mom insisted in having her labour induced as she was facing difficulty with lower back pain.
So I ask my self , was it fate ? maybe it was fate that we were there , maybe it was fate that I became aware of the severity of the situation in the next room, and maybe it wast fate that I was to prevail and fate that my son will some day share his Fathers dreams out in the country .

Yes Fate!