Family Tree.

My family tree.
My family tree bares no fruit. It will not flower. It is rampant with rage and hostility.
Overcome with health issues and by depression.
Anxiety a part of our Existence. Jealousy and envy feeds it, it grows bitter.
A cloud blocks the light .I feel the distance from branch to branch .The flowers are few , the fruit never come , I patiently wait and it never changes .The shame , what some would give for a family.
My family is broken, without repair. The years are passing the roots are decaying. My tree is not healthy, I wish I could save what is left of it .I fear it is too late. I have done what had to be done and no changes were obvious. I spoke to my tree .There was no response. It is beyond reach and unable to care. My family has given me joy, heartache, love, sadness, togetherness and loneliness. My tree what can I do? I am only one, am I the only one the sees it slowly dying?
Does no one care? Are they so ignorant to believe this tree is as healthy as any other is? Alternatively, am I too naive to believe that others will not suffer this fate .My Father Frail and old, my Mother wrenched with sadness. My Sister beyond reach, her family never further apart. My brothers I love, one a lost soul, one a family man .I would love to call him my best friend, but he is my brother. The only sibling that has ever shed a tear for me. I love my family, yet wish they would all go away. I will have to go I know. I have to, if I do not I will end up the same. Lost, bitter, depressed, angry, jealous, envious, and just plane selfish. My tree thirsts , but the ground remains dry, the sky does not shed upon it. My tree is deteriorating; the branches are many but far and few in between.
They reach to touch, but cannot meet, they fail to embrace. My frail and helpless tree! I fear for its demise.
I long for my youth, my tree stood proud; my tree was mighty and strong. My eyes saw hope and my heart wished for more.
My tree has never witnessed moonlight with out pain and suffering. Some branches flourished, while others hung tattered and sad, while others stood proud. Others overcome with jealousy and hate .My tree sways in the soft wind and I feel its pain.
With every thrashing of the day, I fear for its existence. My tree weakens ever more so.
My own roots once strong and proud, rich full of history .The day reveals anything but. What I saw as a child, was not the truth. The eyes of a child pure and bright. A child’s eyes sparkle full of hope and dreams.
No longer am I a child, I watch and despair, the love I swore I witnessed in my youth, was naive and sincere. The feelings have turned to loathing and sorrow. The hope was merely fantasy .Reality is what I witness now; I see the truth but still so far from reach
My tree, devoured by the parasites of greed, malnourished by the caretakers.
It stands no longer upright; it sways in the gentlest of breeze. I fear it will plunge to its certain demise. Perhaps it awaits its own annihilation to sooth its suffering .I once alone felt, I kept it rooted, I felt part of this tree, and I wanted my tree to persevere. I wanted the rest to follow and aid in the nurturing. Lead and the rest shall follow, victorious in numbers we will be! Alone I will fail and succumb. The weaknesses of others have drained my spirit. I no longer will for the strength and power of my mighty tree. I long struggled and searched for the dreams of my youth .My tree is near extinction!
No longer does it seem to faze me. I have seen my tree now through the eyes of an adult, no longer fooled by the vision of my youth. Hope is nothing more than a desire to make something of what is not there. Confusing for a child incongruous for an adult. .I felt the hunger but remained famished. The hollowness in my belly is from the lack of nourishment deprived by family love .Sad and broken I sit and wait; I wait for time to show its ugly face .Deformed and disfigured my tree stands. No longer can I stand the sight of it, I will it out of its misery. Am I alone in this engrossment of despondency?
The ignorance has blinded them from the truth. So why do I despair? Why do I fear for them and their demise? I should uproot and run .Run before the last breath of air is gone from my lungs. Run and reap the rewards of their hatred, which their seeds have sown.
One day, I try to convince myself .One day they will see.
My family is all I have left and yet I have nothing .My life, my Family have failed me. To the rescue they will come! I foolishly expected. Is it right to dislike your own family? We can pick and chose our friends but we do not have that option with family. Is it right to want for their demise? After all what I feel is what they have instilled in me. Is that justification enough?
The only family I now have is my son! For him I shall be strong and remain rooted .I shall pretend to be strong, my heart is weak my body and face showing the scars of time.
Time can be harsh; I have been whipped and beaten .Defiantly I struggled and fought .Victorious I was not. Nevertheless, life lives on with or with out our living. Long after I am gone, others will follow. I soon will be forgotten, pushed away by the hands of time. My fear is not this life but the one after; I fear my pain will be a testament to my own undoing.
I will however, not rob my child of his childish dreams and hopes. He will not bare witness to my pain. I will masquerade my anguish .He will not be witness to my observations , my realization that my family tree is decaying .Infested by greed and fed by hate. Their eminent disintegration, I will not, be blamed for. I have done all a mortal could do. Life and time are the proprietors of this body. However, the lord has tenure over my soul, and I willingly relinquish ownership to the heavens above.
When my time has come, I will take comfort that I had no choice but to give my body and mind to the cruel hands of time. My soul however no longer up for barter.
My family has taken their own path; a path I fear will lead to their destruction .Their extinction, has been foretold! Their unwillingness to realize their ways, will no longer invade my thoughts or my heart.

I live for my son, and I will continue to live for him. My child’s eyes remain full of hope dreams and love. I will teach him that happiness is not beyond reach. However, once found you must treasure it hold a tight grip on it but careful not to smother it.
Stretch out your hands I will say, hold up your fragile little arms and embrace your life as a child.

This is the only legacy I can bestow upon him.