Questions from my child.

I witnessed my son almost having a nervous breakdown. I try to search for the right words to express how to describe his emotional state , all I have is my own life experience with this debilitating state of mind. Through the sad and heart wrenching tears that poured out of this little child’s eyes all I could do to try and console him was to hold him tight tighter than I ever have in our lives together.
I could feel the gentle and warm teardrops running down my face as our cheeks were pressed against one another. All I could say was Buddy I am sorry.
Why Daddy, why is my life so hard? Can you imagine this from your child?
Why does everyone seem to annoy me these days? Why are my parents not together? this question brought about a deeper sense of frustration from him and generated waterfalls of emotions .Why does everyone around me yell all the time Daddy you and Jack and Marianne( my brother and his family) and my little cousins are the only ones that don’t.
Why does my mother’s family fight and yell all the time? Why is it that my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins who live downstairs never visit? Daddy and they live in the same house! Daddy why is it that Abuela and Abuelo fight so much, (My parents) all the time?
Why is my mom so difficult to live with she is so mean to you with the things she says.
So many questions for such a child of only eight years young .My heart was torn to pieces!
Shattered to be exact!
Out of his questioning, the only thing that resonated in my mind was why are my parents not together?
Man I have never been faced with such a profound issue from this child .What do you say, how can you answer any of this to an eight year old.
I want so much to tell him , that his mom fell out of love with me and now loves another man .I fear that he already know this from what he has expressed to me in the past .And I feel somewhat guilty for somehow letting him down .I wish I could make it all up to him. I held him tight once more dried his sweet little tears with my hand and said. Michael daddy loves you very much; now look into my eyes, please! I begged him. Look at Daddy! OK? Everything will work out Buddy that is promise .You know daddy will never brake a promise that I make to you.
The sobbing calmed down a little and I said tomorrow I have a special day planned for us .I am taking you to a special new park that has just opened this year, you can bring your new scooter , a present he received from my parents for his communion . The new helmet daddy bought you .We will feed the ducks and we can make it a whole day just for us.
I have never had so much fun with him than last Saturday .We first parked the car than I took him to a special café. I told him this particular place had been on television, on the show, that Daddy watches called Restaurant Make over .He knows the show because he knows I love all the renovations shows and sometimes he asks to watch with me. He was so thrilled at the fact that I had taken him to a special place that had actually been on television. He will actually turn away from his cartoon channel just so he can watch a show that I enjoy. One thing I never do is watch any of my TV shows when he is around.
He loves the fact that I love watching cartoons with him, I guess because my dad never did with me .What an amazing kid. I purchased a decaf late and got him a hot chocolate made with real milk .When the girl asked if he wanted wiped cream on it, a faint little voice hidden by the tall counter said yes! , daddy, please tell her yes! Of course, I said what a silly question, than the girl and my son chuckled.
This is the best Hot chocolate ever! He stated.
Moreover, I was profoundly pleased that such a small thing as a hot chocolate could make a child’s day.
We sat on the patio watched people go by; we were like two best friends enjoying a morning out and sharing a cup of cocoa.
The park was near the lake and the air was fresh the sun was warm and it all seemed to fit so right.
When we finished our drinks he went for a ride on his new scooter, he was tall and proud not a single thought of the night before was on his mind.
We stopped to look at the ducks and to his amazement there were beautiful Swans Daddy ,Daddy that one almost came right to me if I had stretched out my hand I bet I could have touched him, they are so beautiful, take lots of pictures, he said. I will lots, I also took lots of him on his scooter and I thought what a bright and handsome boy he is, so confident and so sure of him self. He will grow up to make a proud man like myself ever more proud I just feel it in my bones .His enthusiasm his determination and dedication I envy. I wish my dad had done the things I do with my son. I wish my Dad had the ability to cope with frustration and understanding when it comes to a child.
He never did! I want my son to remember his childhood, not for his parents being apart, I want him to remember how much fun and how many things we did together. I must be doing something right. At the park, he confessed that he was now an expert at the monkey bars, and he reminded me that it was I, who taught him all the tricks. I remember him being two or three and I would climb the bars with him watching his every move. Explaining to him, he must be aware at all time of the placement of his hands and feet. He said all those things I taught him are the reasons why he is such a good climber .What I thrill I got from that, such a high from his praises.
A good father that is all I strive to be. If I cannot give him anything else in life, I will give him unconditional love and respect, I will teach him right from wrong and although some rules sometimes seem harsh and unfair, I will show him that they are there for our own good. We later went on a nature hike; he was thrilled with the prospect of seeing any wild life. I think all we saw was a squirrel but it did not phase him .He was there with his Father his Superhero, his protector and nurturer.
What a lovely time we had I sat on the grass, he sat on my lap, watching all of our surroundings.
I reminded him it was almost time to head back. Daddy how long have we been here?
More than six hours I said he was astonished. He said it was the best day of his life.
To all you Dads out there, take sometime from your schedule, better yet make sometime .Take your kids to a park and see the ducks, go for a hike, you will be amazed at the reaction these tiny little angels will have. Treasure this time you have been awarded, before it is too late.
Invest sometime in your child’s future memories.
I wish my Dad had, however bitter and angry I am not! It only makes me stronger and it has shaped me to be the Father my son loves so much