When darknes falls.

Darkens falls, sleep does not arrive. I reach for the aid of men’s medicinal remedies.
A bandage for the cruelness of the night. They no longer accomplish their efficiency. The sleepless nights, I lay awake. I toss I turn, what were once dreams are now replaced by terror. I fear light and the uncertainties that it will summon.
When did it all begin? When will it all end? Six feet under I feel will be of little solace for my soul and the pain. Life frightens me, but death I fear the same .The present is now, the future beyond reach .The past not far behind .Change I cannot make. Accomplishments beyond reach. I fear the unknown and frightened to move forward, I stand frozen in the shadows of fear. The truth I know, but why do they not see, they also must be witnesses .I shall make them aware, I defiantly convince my self foolishly. I coward, I run I hide. Loneliness is but a state of mind. I try to convince my self. Alone and not able to accept loneliness. However, a fool I am not. Nevertheless, who am I? I what am I? Why am I here?
I am a fool after all I tell myself , nothing more than a court jester.They laught at me, they snikker they whisper.behind my back, I know it I feel it , I sense it.
What am I doing? I know I am my worst enemy but my only friend .Allies I have none. Adversaries are of plenty. You have not recovered, she said. You have not healed, she was certain of this. You have to move on, she said. Moreover, I could not argue, because I have no argument. There is no cause for debate .I cannot I said, a simple answer to a complicated and perhaps unexplainable state mind. Love has turned the bright blue waters of my dreams the color of blood. The stench of death and decay, surprisingly welcomed.
My eyes are dry the tears no longer flow. Am I without feeling or emotion? A man who sobs, at the sight of a wounded bird, the pain is clear, the sorrow evident, and yet the eyes remain desiccated. I no longer have the will. Yet no longer do I have the volition to comprise the ability to weep. I want to hide, run away. Nevertheless, the shackles of my life are constricting. I cannot disengage from them. I no longer have the will.
Anger, bitterness, and hate overcome me. A broken man a shell of the man I used to be .Admirers were plenty, I now long for attention .But wish not to be consoled. Why do I martyr myself? Am I deserving of this? Should I accept and be content? I wish to be alone and yet I already am. Acceptance is what I require understanding is what I desire. Love no longer an option, no longer a dream. My nights are lonely, but my days are terrifying. The prospect of longevity no longer of value. I wish to remain alone, I SHOUT.
Than why am I so lonely?
Will I ever love again? Will love ever find me again less I look for it?