Skeleton in my closet!


The skeleton in my closet!

Lord I pray for forgiveness, I pray for my shame.I have asked you many times to help me , I sometimes feel perhaps you have forgotten me or forsaken me.Judge me Lord not for what I do but for whom I have become , a person of deep and great understanding.A person with great respect to my fellow human beings.
It is there in my closet, it haunts my nights and torments my days. It is responsible for the pain and anguish in my life. I loath it, I despise it. I know enough to know most of us have one but that still is no alleviation for me. This skeleton has ruined my life, it has brought me to my wretched despair I feel deformed and disfigured. I begged for help from a friend but she was not a friend, I sought out support and found there was none.
I asked for medication and it did not dissipate or disperse the evil.
It is disintegrating my very existence. I am feeling dangerously despondent and somewhat critical and yet I sometimes welcome it, I sometimes call for it .Why do I? It still remains questionable and I am mystified .I sometimes inculpate my life and my distressed upbringing’s. I blame certain events in my childhood, but still cannot find an answer .Go away I have demanded! Please I beg you to leave me be! Let me live my life as God intended. It hides and sits quietly. It waits for my weak moments .I associate it with my anger and anxiety. I blame it for my family torn apart; I blame it for my isolation and for the devastation, which I now compass. The skeleton is relentless it provokes me, I wish for it demise!
I face it oppose it daily and still it requisitions me. It takes over my reins and leads me both, to a path of pleasure and guilt, I feel worthless and empty.
I feel indisposed but confined to its dominance.
I have no control and at time’s I feel numb!
It is a vicious circle, detestation, and exasperation I feel toward it, I want to eradicate it, exterminate it but always manipulated by it. I feel crippled and run down. God in heaven I pray, please make it go away! It hides and makes it self-invisible, but there is no denying it. It is a part of my existence. I f I could figure out a way to accept it, but I cannot there is no way. I am doomed to a life of shame disgrace and dishonor.
The skeleton in my closet I abhor! I wish for its annihilation.

Comments

  1. karoline in the morningMay 1, 2007 at 7:53 AM

    ..know thine enemy

    ..accept that none of it was your fault

    ..confront your demons as you are doing

    ..and know...that you do have support..

    hugz
    k

    ReplyDelete

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