Growing old!

I tried to ignore it , I figured it was just a skin rash or something of that nature.
I am right handed so it was impossible to ignore , with every movement of my hand I could not escape the inevitable realization .
I had to look it up , could it be? is it?(it can't be).
I googled it and the results lead me to over seven million answers.
Face it ,your getting old ,like it or not, I told my self.

My first age spot!

Now I am thinking it seems more than ever, about my life ,my past, my future, but most importantly my life now as I am living it.You can't change the past , we've established that already .There is no way of knowing what the future holds for us.
Our present lives and how we live it will determine what our future will hold. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing how or what we should do different, to assure us a healthy and promising future.So what do we do, we can't change the past, we don't know what the future holds, and we don't have a clue what to do about today?. Man I am more confused than ever.

As I see the people around me growing old, my son , my brothers , my sister and their families , and yes my parents.I never noticed before how old Mom and Dad look. I guess since I never noticed myself aging ,in my subconscious mind I could not see the truth.The truth that aging is a part of life and that inevitably (death) is a part of our life as well.

Life is going by us all like a speeding locomotive , at times it seems its out of control .
For Mom and Dad , I know the inevitable is coming and it frightens the hell out of me, I mean it's coming for us all ,isn't it? there is no way to stop it, right?. I know there isn't ! but, by god I wish I could!

My son is now eight, my god where did the years go? I have been robed ! I have been robed of the most important years of my son's life , and why ?
Because of some one's greed and carelessness and total disregard for the life that my son and I could have shared.
Now I am faced with the inevitable , my own immortality. I guess maybe I did think naively I would live for ever, I guess I thought everyone around me would live for ever.You see, it's allot easier to trick your mind into thinking that we are all imperishable. The idea that life is everlasting and we are all her for perpetuity,is indeed a noble idea.But not a realistic idea!

Timeless we are not, and so we can not be imperishable.And so, the time will come when we all just wither away.

My your getting to be a big boy ! they say when you are a child.
Your maturing fast! they would say, when you're a teen.

What do they say when you unwillingly age?

Wow you look, decrepit!
Ancient is how I feel these days.I look at my life and I see sorrow , happiness, misery, love .hatred ,loneliness, family, life , death ,I see it all, I see it in my past and in my future.

So is this what it's all about ?. I wonder if I will ever look back at my life and be able to truthfully say to myself , it was all worth it!

The hopefulness I felt in the past, unfortunately belongs in the past.Now I face
actuality ,(reality).
And reality makes me bitter, it leaves me feeling cheated and languished.

There were so many things I did , I visited so many wonderful and astonishing places in my life. So why do I feel like I do ? , this I ask myself.
I guess because I didn't even scratch the surface of my dreams.All my hopes and desires have now become inherited by time.

Time is a child's best friend and my worst enemy.I hate time, I hate it because it is slowly but surely eating away at the fabric of my existence.
My life no longer in my control , if at all it ever was.

Growing old is a part of life I face it now , I face it but I don't accept it.
And so what do I do?
I just let life take me on its journey, a journey that is sometimes filled with laughter and sometimes full of sorrow.

Is this a joke? a cruel joke that father time has played on me?

I am not sure ,but I know there is no laughter now .
There is just the acknowledgement that we are not immortal or everlasting .

My first age spot !

First of many to come that is the only thing I am sure of.