MY LIFE IN MY OWN WORDS

I was born in a small country in South America. My family was very poor, not that everyone that lives there is. Although it is a third world country there is still a tremendous amount of wealth.It is actually a very nice country , from what I can remember and seen in photographs. I have a great deal of family members living there still , my parents visit from time to time , not as often as they would enjoy but simply when ever they can afford to.Some of my relatives are very well off, some have always been and some are still to this day extremely poor. This caused for allot of heart ache and confusion for my sister and I.Since our parents were so poor and we never had anything, watching our friends and cousins get everything they ever wanted for Christmas and Birthdays, and we had nothing!My Mom and Dad worked very hard, from what I remember they worked day and night just to put food on our table. There is allot of my child hood that I don't remember about.Or as my sister has point

Please feel free to leave a comment. If any of the stories I write touch you in any way, please tell me how you feel. Even to criticise. There is no such thing as bad criticism. To me it's all constructive and it only inspires me to write even more. So take a few minutes and tell me how you feel about what you have read. Thank you ......Daniel...

Ciao Bello she said, as I sat there waiting for the eminent dial tone. I took my time replacing the receiver to its base, but the end was here and it hit me like a tone off lead .The call was over, the idea was over the dreams we shared were over. The future plans we made were nothing, more, than just an illusive dream. The tone still rings in my ear; the sadness in my heart worsens to point of agony. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves, I gently asked her? Why do you keep scraping at the wound and eroding any possibility of any alleviation? “I don’t know” she answered... Those questions will for ever remain unanswered. We talked for what seemed hours, we always do, men, we can both ramble on (I laugh when I think about it).I loved and I will miss our long conversations. We would sit up late at night sipping on a fine glass of our favorite wine a Red Shiraz , Carly Simon playing in the background, we seemed so perfect at times, maybe too perfect I guess. We were not like other coupl

I tried to ignore it , I figured it was just a skin rash or something of that nature. I am right handed so it was impossible to ignore , with every movement of my hand I could not escape the inevitable realization . I had to look it up , could it be? is it?(it can't be). I googled it and the results lead me to over seven million answers. Face it ,your getting old ,like it or not, I told my self. My first age spot! Now I am thinking it seems more than ever, about my life ,my past, my future, but most importantly my life now as I am living it.You can't change the past , we've established that already .There is no way of knowing what the future holds for us. Our present lives and how we live it will determine what our future will hold. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing how or what we should do different, to assure us a healthy and promising future.So what do we do, we can't change the past, we don't know what the future holds, and we don't have a clue what t

Hello buddy, it's Daddy calling happy Easter, I love you can't wait to see you on Wednesday, bye bye! That was the message I left my son this morning on his Mom's answering machine.She never picks up when I call, why ? Not more than two minutes go by and I get a call, hello ? Hi Daddy, Happy Easter ! he says excitedly.Wow I just left you a message , you did? he asked. Yes about two minutes ago, no matter I say ,happy Easter!. Daddy did the Easter bunny come by your house? . Of course he did he came by and left you a little something. Daddy , I had an Easter egg hunt today! you did? where did you go?I asked. no where , we had one here, I was puzzled . I suppose Mom must have had an epiphany ,she was never the type to do anything festive or anything that required any amount of effort.Maybe I was wrong , maybe some people can change. No! I don't believe that for one second. An Easter egg hunt?Good for you buddy , did you have fun? yes and we are coloring Easter eggs and I

The following words are found in the Dictionary to explain "loneliness". 1.affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome. 2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile. 3. Lone; solitary; without company; companion less. 4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road. 5. Standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower The greatest killer in North America has become, the crippling of our society. Our society is being crippled by ignorance.Lets take a look at "Depression." It is estimated that 95% of all suicides are committed at the height of a bout with depression. And yet, while most professionals would not dare to admit or suggest that Depression is in fact a national epidemic. I believe it is crippling our fellow human beings. Is it ignorance , or reluctance? . What ever it is few are willing to acknowledge a problem to which there is

Well you can Imagine when the news broke about the pet food scare I was livid!and frightened.But I quickly went on to the Whiskas web site and they confirmed the food she was getting was safe , what a relief. On to my son's pet Cat. Stripes,"Stripes the Cat"he named her the moment he laid his little eyes on her. We searched high and low for his first pet. I say his first pet because, this was the first pet he adopted at Daddy's house.He used to have a gold fish at his Mom's place , but sadly it didn't live long.I am not sure how long gold fish normally live, but I know he had him for a couple of years, he once brought him over to my place for a week while his Mom and boyfriend were on vacation.I fed him and changed his water , following careful instructions from , my then 3 year old son. Sadly he passed on to gold fish heaven. His Mom informed me of his untimely passing , but had not told our son.I was surprised because he had just been over to my place and ne

Dreams! A dream is an involuntary vision ,an indulgent state of mind .And I indulge in my dreams to the fullest. To me dreams to be honest, is what I do during the day, I spend allot of time, day dreaming,dreaming of a day ,a place in time where I can be free. I dream of a day when I am truly happy! I dream of a day when there is Peace in my life.I dream of a day when I can look back at it all analyze it and be able to say "this is my dream"!And that was the journey that led me here! I dream of a little house out in the country where all I see around me are trees and rolling hills of green.A place where Mother nature herself may call home, "home where is my home right now?" when and where , will my home be ? All I know is that I am far ,from home, far from happiness far from my dream. I have heard it said once , that the dreamer may die but the dream lives on. I only pray I may live long enough to see "my dream" fulfilled . There are many nights when a lay

Listen, I just wanted to clarify something with you , you said.What is it ? I asked. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about where we stand, you know because I came out to see you today! I know, don't worry , I said.We can't turn back time, you said. I know , we can't turn back the hands of time, I know that! I said. Superman ,when faced with the realization that he would live for eternity without his beloved Lois Lane , in desperation for love managed to stop time by flying around the world back in time . The earth and its mighty power were no match for this immortal being. The world and time stopped , then he flew and flew and flew like he never had before.The earth started to rotate backwards therefore undoing its injustice to his shattered heart. Yes for even Superman with his unstoppable powers could not escape the wrath of a broken heart.Time indeed turned back for him he managed to save his beloved and love prevailed. Last time I looked at myself in the mirr

My friend! First let me tell you that every thing I said last night was true.I care about you and there will always be a place in my heart for you , whats left of it. However I may have been a little tired ,and perhaps lacked some judgement. I didn't have a pleasant sleep last night after we spoke.And the night mares I spoke of in the past ?. Well lets just say they have come back for an encore. My friend I know I have not been honest with you ,I know I betrayed you. I am man enough to admit this! But now with a clear head I think about what you revealed to me last night. I can't believe you have been spying on me and my personal life for two years if not longer.Checking my e-mail accounts .Reading everything perhaps before I, even did?. I am riddled with shame for the untruths I told. I am burdened by remorse for the things I did.The heavy guilt load I carry could sink a thousand ships. Why my friend ?why did you not confront me ? as my best friend ,as you always claimed to be

It started with an unsolicited call , out of the blue that is.Hello how are you? she asked, fine how are you ? I hesitantly replied.I have not heard that sweet voice from my past in such a long time , my heart melted and my thoughts went into overdrive. I didn't know what to make of this ,other than maybe perhaps she has read my blog and something triggered an impulse to succumb and give into the love that she might still feel deep in her heart for me.(perhaps it was wishful thinking).Not the first time I have been accused of coming to an unwarranted assumption. My ex used to ask why are you reading into things? just because I put on my ring doesn't meant we are going forward anywhere. I wear it as jewellery. Yea that's what a kick in the ass feels like. Trying my hardest not to let her know that I was trembling with fear, not of her but the unknown. Fear that this conversation should also end in heartache. The more we spoke the more comfortable I got , out of the blue I as

Friday I picked my son up from School , as I normally do my access weekends.He loves it I still remember before he started grade one he would always ask me if I could picked him up right at school instead of the day care he goes to after school. Since I am off work and have been for a while I see no reason for me not to.Even though my ex is totally against it and we have had our share of "words" over this issue.I guess because she doesn't pick him up till 6: pm or sometimes later , in her eyes she thinks I am getting the edge as she put it .(how ridiculous). I mean she could pick him up early also she just doesn't want to.You may say , yeah but she is busy working!Sure you are right she is busy and she does work.However she is not on a schedule she is in sales works when she wants to , and when she wants to she also works from home ,she dictates her own schedule she is free to do with her time as she wishes. So I picked him up and he was as happy as usual , or so it s

You can only kick a dog so many times before it will turn and bite. This dog has been kicked enough , all those that are thinking of kicking proceed with caution. Let me fill you in on the latest.So my sons mother calls Thursday night around 9;30 pm, oddly enough when she calls which is not often anymore she always calls after my son has gone to bed. Every time I ask to speak to him the answer is he is sleeping , OK ,I say. She process to tell me hoe this year our son soccer schedule is somewhat conflicting , what do you mean? I say.Well they are playing on Wednesday instead of Tuesdays for the first time in Three years. Oh, I see where this is headed, so she proceeds to offer graciously that she is willing to pay for his soccer if I switch my visitation to Tuesday. Yes here we go again people.Well of course unless you want to take him? she says. What ? did I hear right? I jumped on it ,of course I will take him it's my day anyway I would love to .But what about the cost? she asks.

My son's holy Communion will take place in two weeks, and I was just informed by his Mom that I was allowed to attend ( allowed ? ).Yep she actually said that, and she wanted to let me know that her Family and boyfriend will be there also , she wanted to know if I was going to be there ,and that I had no choice as to who attended.( she meant her "boyfriend") Last time I checked the church welcomed all, I don't believe last time I was there I had to get permission from anyone. I will attend my son's Communion even if the Pope himself said I couldn't go. It won't be easy that is for sure . I am not looking forward to seeing her family and boyfriend all together living the lie of a perfect family. But I will put on brave face and stand there proudly for my boy. The biggest issue here is that his Communion happens to be on my access weekend , and by right I should be the one calling her with the details. But because we live in a society that automatically labe

Happy 42! It was one of the best birthdays ever. It was the first birthday since my separation and divorce that I was able to see my son. It just happened to fall on the day of my visitation with him. Man was he happy! You would have thought it was his birthday.I picked him up from school then we went out to dinner to his favourite restaurant (not the golden arches) although at 8 years of age the arches is his favourite but I left it up to him and he insisted we go to our favourite place ,he also suggested we go to the Home Depot so he can pick something out for me, I told him that it wasn't necessary what an awesome kid. I am so stuffed that I had to take some pink stuff to settle my stomach , you see he insisted I go for the all you can eat ribs, and of course I had to order several refills and he got such a kick out of watching me stuff my face. We then shared an ice cream that came with gummy worms and he loved it( I love him so , I live for him). After that we went to our favo

A few months ago after a long debate with my conscience , I decided that I needed to take stock of who the people around me were. I started with a female friend I had . I met this person not long after my marriage ended.A friend of a friend sort of thing, got us together. Man it seemed great at first someone actually wanted me and seemed to really care about me. Not long into this friendship we started dating.Needless to say , it should not have happened . I now know that I was not ready for this.Don't get me wrong she was and still is a wonderful person , like the Blue Rodeo song says, just bad timing that's all. I won't get into all of the dynamics of this relationship , it just would not be fair to her. She was such a great friend and I do miss her dearly.Unfortunately she eventually fell out of love with me. Heck who can blame her ? I put her through allot of crap. What with all the problems with my ex that still haunt me today.The fact that I had a child the fact that

I am posting this to allow others to try to see what I see. Since I was a kid I loved to color. I mostly love shapes, Circles and Triangles are my favorite . Each one of these unique pieces takes days to complete. It is very labour intensive . But it's a labour of love since I am able to express my deepest thoughts through these shapes and colors.I lose my self in them and try to express what I feel at that ,time . It's all free hand work and all colored in pencil (sounds like child play?) you say,but my back and my wrists will tell a different story as it takes hours and sometimes days for each one.I take it very serious . What is funny is that less than a handful of people that know me , are aware of my passions. It is very dear and private to me . Each one is done by hand ,drawn and colored by hand , they are each unique as it would be impossible for me to reproduce the same results each time. I love the way the shapes and different colors make me feel. And I hope you like t

First let me say that a previous extremely long post was deleted somehow, it was very important as it led into this current post. I will try to fill you in since it seems to be gone for good .Thanks for your understanding. Well the saga continues, last Wednesday March 21st ( first day of spring) I get a call from my son's school, they tell me my son is in the office and he is not feeling well , I didn't even ask what the problem was all I said was , I am on my way. When I get there they proceed to tell me that it took them a long time to get hold of me because they didn't have authority from my ex to call me in case of an emergency,( are you confused?) I was. I raised my son ,I was his Mother and his Father. While my ex was screwing around ,I was at home taking care of our son and our house .Yes I am bitter but don't read into it . I did raise my son she was never home after he was born, she couldn't handle Motherhood . I didn't mind I love my son I fed him bath