What do we search for all our lives? All my life I have been searching, looking for something. Some elusive creature that some call happiness, I do not really know anymore if it exists or if it is just a myth. Pursuing a dream, perhaps an expedition or an exploration, I have been rummaging through my soul. A mélange a potpourri of emotions a hodgepodge of (GARBAGE). I have heard it said that we are our own worst enemies .My insides have been fighting a loosing battle with my outer forces the enemies I have created. I have polluted my soul an my heart and my life with the way I have chosen to live it, although at times I have had very little control and seldom if ever, any choice.. It seems every time I make any head wave the amalgamation of the evil paratroopers that control my outer world are always set for a rapid deployment of the troops. One-step forward and ten steps back. My head tells me I am fighting a war that cannot be won, but my heart is strong perhaps too stubborn to just ...
Wow, a comment.. so much to say.. At first I felt by reading these postings I was invading your privacy in the worst way.. reading your most intimate and personal thoughts and feelings. I know you post them for exactly that purpose but I couldnt help feeling bad in a way. Although I will admit that once I started reading I couldnt stop. So intense, intuitive.. so well written. All along asking myself why someone such as yourself with so much to tell hasnt yet written an autobiography, a detailed memoir with these intimate life details. I would definitely read.
ReplyDeleteI am particulary interested in your art work. I myself sketch and draw. I have always enjoyed my time with my sketch pad, my art.. my world. I love that from a peice of art you can say so many things, and that whom ever chooses to look can draw their own conclusion and maybe see something totally different but equally as meaningful. I would love to see other peices you have worked on if you wouldnt mind sharing.
In final, I think you son is an amazing kid, not to mention lucky. I have unfortunately seen many cicumstances where kids have not one parent who cares.. you may not live with him, but it sounds to me like hes more then well aware about how you feel about him.
I hope you keep writing, It seems to be cathartic to you.. as art is to me, I know how important it is to have a release, and to embrace it.
Take Care
Thank you anonymous, you are totally within your right to read anything I write, as, I have given you and everyone permission to delve into my private thoughts. I have used this public medium for such a reason. And to answer your question, yes! I have thought about writing a memoir someday, you see, my story has yet to be told. What you have read in this public forum is merely a fraction of my life. When I started to write what I was feeling, I truly believed that the level of interest would be low. Who cares what this “stranger, as I feel I am" has to say? I write, well basically, to unload. You see my mind is heavy, heavy with the burden of life. (My life).I never thought that, the interest in my words would be such as it is. At times I feel like I am nothing more than a spec of sand in the hourglass of time, and truly insignificant. I write because I have to. I have to alleviate the load somehow. I thank you and all the other readers for allowing me this outlet.
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